I am sorry to hear of your troubles Goldenbear.  So far, I have been very fortunate and not experienced any danger and drama.

When I entered this hobby, I was very aware of the potential of getting jaded.  I fight that periodically.  I have chosen not to date in my real life.  For me that would get to complicated.  In my world, it is best to keep things simple.  I worry if I will be a little warped when I do decide to enter a relationship.  Is there a place us ladies can go for debriefing?

See my post on the newbie board.  I'm trying to figure out what my new "normal" is.

Except that now once a month I go see a very lovely lady for a little fun. Otherwise everything else in my life is unchanged.

Am I jaded because I started seeing a provider once a month? nope, I was jaded/grumpy/unruly/pessimistic as all get out long ago.

I didn't dive into the deep end of the hobby, I started out at once a month and stayed that way, and plan on staying that way until I can no longer get it up.

b-

That is hardly the word I would use but I think I understand what you are asking. My answer is simply this. If it doesn't feel right don't do it! Why do anything that is supposed to be fun if it isn't fun for you? Your feelings may change in time or they may not. Do what feels right for you.

As for me, the danger has never been an attraction. I think that, if that is part of what draws you to it then you are bound find trouble sooner or later.

Being a newbie, I do know theres a psycholgical Rubicon I just crossed, that I dont think I can ever recross and be the same.

Its taken me several years to make the decision, and having made it I almost can sense a relief one gets when you finally admit something to yourself.


Im attracted to the hobby by the sense of adventure and for want of a better word, danger.
I like going out at night to unknown places, meeting alluring women for the first time in candlelit rooms smelling of incense.  I like it, almost a much as the payoff, which we all know and love so much.

Why is it that at 5:00 am (eastern time) on a sleepless night, I find myself drawn in by posts which lead me to bare my soul? First on a "limited access" board, and now here ...

I discovered "the hobby" four-and-a-half years ago. And since then, my life (or at least this half of my life ... the other half is still out there somewhere) has been through three distinct phases.

The first phase I usually call my "junkie days." The roughly two years when I would see ladies 3-to-5 days a week. Doubles, triples ... a total whirlwind of debauchery. It was amazing ... and fun ... and expensive. A kid in a candyshop.

Then came the "Miki years" ... the two-and-a-half years which I shared with her. (Well, there was some overlap.) But loving her, she loving me, the life which we shared ... also amazing. While I never embarked upon the hobby "looking for love in all the wrong places" ... it happened. And I am so glad that it did. And I miss her so fucking much!

And now, the last six-months, the "post-Miki period" ... when I find myself sucked into this world, this hobby, this lifestyle even more. It has truly become a "lifestyle." All of my friends (at least in this "half" of my life) are providers or hobbyists. Many of them, I know well. We share drinks, meals, stories, times. I could not leave even if I wanted to ... and I am not at all sure that I want to. Although that is a question that I wrestle with these days.

What is a "normal life" ???

As far as I am concerned, my life is now normal.  I am getting some wonderful sex with beautiful ladies, which I was not before.  I have made some very good friends, both cyber and real life types.

I have not felt any danger, only the joy of the company of a beautiful woman who makes me feel like I am the best thing that has happened to her while I am with her.

Jaded, hell no.  I have no intention to return to my previous, celibate, 'normal' life ever.

Swim

But this is true with so much in life.  We all evolve, sometimes for the best, sometimes otherwise.

I suggest that if it's not fun, give it a rest for a while and ask yourself why there's a compulsion to see escorts as opposed to other avenues of sexual release.

The answer to your questions should come after a while if you are attentive.

I have given up on soulmates.  If such a thing existed, I would possibly give it up.  But I think that is only in the movies.

Re: Once you've crossed the line into hobbying or providing.........

The experience has been invaluable more so than
any college professor has ever lectured.
If I could do it all over again, of course I would make
a few changes.......enlightened not jaded.

Nothing has really changed for me since I started hobbying a little over a year ago. I only hobby once per month because that's all I can afford. So, aside from seeing a beautiful lady once per month, my day-to-day life hasn't changed.  I do feel that if I had to stop hobbying, I'd miss it a lot.

I feel you, man. Been there.

Jaded as in most everything else in life has lost some of the luster?

Be patient, it'll come back. You just have to work through the doldrums until you start finding joy again in some of the things that did that for you prior to your hobbying experience. One thing you'll find is that some of the things you thought were important before hobbying, aren't. That's good because it'll free up more time for you to put into the things that remain important.

One thing that worked for me was a long hiatus from the hobby. That gave me the space I needed to figure out why I was hobbying and whether I wanted to continue. I had thought that there was no way I would return to hobbying but I found out different.

Hang in there. It gets better and working through this stuff will improve your ability to focus on the things that really bring meaning into your life.

Since I am single, my choices here do not affect other parties such as spouses or kids.  As for finding joy in hobbying...this is not the place to be looking for long-term, romantic relationships.  It is a good place to be if you are looking to get laid, though, with no strings attached!  You may be able to develop friendships with certain providers, but there are limits to how far this can go.  This is fine if you can live with those limitations.  As for going back to a "normal" life, I saw an add in the local paper this week about a dating service for locals.  I threw it out...any locals my age here posting there would probably have a checkered history, likely be divorced with kids, and would bring baggage that I would not want to deal with.  For now, I am a hobbyist...the novelty has not worn off, there are many ladies yet to meet, or meet with again, and I can do so without guilt or feeling bad about myself...

I hobbied from the early 80's to 1992 - when I married... I was faithful.  When our marriage went sour, I was still faithful.... (And in those days, I ran marathons... was a very svelt 165 lbs... and had 'offers' for infidelity with really hot chicks...  alas... I did not partake.)

when I divorced a few years ago... I got curious - went to a business conference in my ex's home town (and by the way - escorting there is LEGAL - how is that for a good time!!!)  and decided to treat myself.... once... well twice... with two different ladies....

I had a pretty good time - returned home... and found that the local rags had all these advertisements....  made a few calls... and had some VERY bad experiences...  (like drive to the corner, await a phone call... - I get the call, am given an address, told to park 3 blocks from the place - and walk to an apt building, wave to the second floor and await another phone call.... in short part of the session was to act like Jason Borne....!)  Finally I happened to find an agency - with pics of gals that were too good to be true... went... saw just one of the most beautiful women I have ever had sex with....  then!  well contacted another agency - had a fantastic time there... and although I tipped the girl - I wanted to express to her just how great I thought she was - so I called the agency to ask how to do that - AND THEY told me about TER.... I joined under another name... and the rest.... - well the rest is history...

So could I go back to being a faithful hubby...??? yes I could - but if things soured again.... (for no real reason)  I would be so back to the hobby it would make your head spin...  Sorry - just where my head is now...

You seem like a nice guy... You will do just fine no matter what you decide.

Yes, I left for about a year tried the happy ever after housewife thing.
Hated it! I only hated it because I felt unappreciated.
Here I was cooking cleaning sucking and fucking and what did I get?
More laundry, more dishes and less sex.

So we broke up and I am happier doing what I want, when I want, and how I want.

There is a lot to be said for freedom

LET HER RING!!!!!

I dont see how you can cross the line and not be the same ever. Everything we do adds another psychological facet to our lives.

It took me several years to finally admit to myelf that I liked hobbying, and finally decide to consider myself a hobbyist and enjoy it once or twice a month.

Re: Once you've crossed the line into hobbying or providing.........

I am enjoying the hobby tremendously right now, and plan to continue this way forever! I remain careful and "picky" when choosing in order to maximize my safety and avoid any potentially dangerous situations.

It bothers me to hear that anyone has had bad hobby experiences, since I am enjoying myself so damn much! Im sorry to hear you have had some that have actually turned you off from what is, in my opinion, the greatest thing since the Big Bang.

Perhaps you should just give it a little time? Likely you'll re-discover how little satisfaction comes from pure self-service, and will start looking for some professional assistance again soon enough!? I find that taking some time out to reflect is never a bad thing, and maybe really important to people like us who have no one to actually talk to about this part in our lives.

It's hard to go from 8,9,10's back to 5's and 6's. That's my biggest culture shock, so I sort of have the blinders on to average chicks;meaning I probably miss out on some good civvie relationships. Sort of like renting the gallardo on the weekends, and hopping in a civic to drive around the rest of the week, you won't even pay attention to it.

Obviously most providers I visit are out of my league so, that's the issue.

IF you mean by go back to normal life as in go back to an unhappy relationship or marriage, like many of you cats, I say uh,,, don't go back!

If anything stresses me out I stop, i already had these 2 months scheduled one (1 provider per) aside from that I just don't have the time to line stuff up.

Sorry that you are going through some rough times. I'm not at the place that you are yet, but feel myself drifting there. The first reason is that, though some of my lastest experiences have been quite good, they are way too brief for me, and it's difficult for me to feel so intimate with someeone one moment, then no connection or communitcation the next. I've accepted as Tony Soprano says, "It is what it is," but somethime it's not enough. Second, I've had a couple of experiences recently that have been disappointing. Third, this has been a difficult flu season form me, and I've had few days where I've felt my usual self. That allows all the fears of LE and disease to come to the forefront of my mind.

I think I will always use the hobby as a fallback for when I just cannot contain my need to be with a highly attractive and uninhibited woman. My view may change when I'm feeling better, but your question really has me thinking.

Good luck in navigating through the troubled waters.