Opinion sought:

Wife recently asked that I use condoms with her.
Her reason: She had  gotten 2 yeast infections in the past few months, and thought condoms and lube would help.

I have noticed that she is spending more time talking to the late 20s gardener.

Or, is she suspicious of my endeavors?

So, I guess there are 3 possibilities here.
Thanks.

Well, WD-50,

By your query, it surely seems that you are concerned. Unfortunately I don't believe anyone can answer your question with certainty. It is impossible to deduce anything significant from this type of posting. We don't have any insight into your marriage, your characteristics, nothing.

So the best I can say is that you seem as concerned about your own activities as you do about hers. On the other hand, unless your penis was itchy from having had unprotected sex and you subsequently banged your wife, I can't see how she would have got 2 yeast infections from having had sex with you. Yeast infections are overgrowth of candida, a fungus. They are dependent on the Ph-acidic condition of the vagina, on sugar intake, on moist conditions inside the vagina, etc. You don't necessarily get yeast infections from screwing. In fact, putting a bunch of lube in there can further compound the problem - lube and latex aren't exactly natural and can sometimes cause irritation. If anything, she should STOP having sex altogether, get on Diflucan or some other antifungal topical and stop wearing tight jeans and panties. Then again, that's not what this thread is about, so it must be left up to her.

The gardener? Suspicious? Have no idea. Why don't you ask her? From just purely peasant logics though, if she were suspicious of you, don't you think she'd ask what you're up to?

Ask her,
The Love Goddess

Thanks, good insight.
On further reflection, I am ruling out her being suspicious of me---too roundabout, as you say.

The yeast/condom suggestion may simply be one of [her] medical naivite'.

BTW, she did take the yeast meds.
She does wear the tight jeans [mostly in the garden]-LOL

So , I am down to two. I have to think about how much I care if she is doing the gardener before having a confrontation.
LG, do you agree?

Dear WD-50,

I'd stop obsessing over the wife and the gardener. Take the European approach and count your blessings. If your marriage is reasonably happy and you don't want a divorce, why do you care so much about the gardener? After all, aren't you here on this site looking for prostitutes to screw?

Confrontation will solve nothing. If you think it's wrong to have sex outside the marriage, then discuss it in the presence of a marriage counselor or therapist, begin living authentically, if painfully, and start being upfront about everything in your life.

The truth hurts,
The Love Goddess

Yup, live and let live.
Count my blessings.

But, FYI, one of the main reasons that I am on this site is because you are such a fabulous resource for general love/sex/psych advice!

Drop the appearance/reality of a double standard, leave her alone and do what you want to do.

wd, if your cheating on your wife with prostitites, why are you mad if she cheats on you. let her cheat and you can continue to cheat. everyone is happy.

WD-50:  Your post has nothing to do with yeast infections and everything to do with that serpent in the garden. You're not going to forget about that gardener, no-matter-what people on this board tell you.  

My brother: that's your home, that's your wife, and you don't share those things with anyone. Double standard? If your wife thought you were banging a housekeeper or babysitter, I guarantee you that girl would be gone.

You may have revealed something important in your 2nd post, when you mentioned your wife wearing 'tight jeans' when the gardener is around.  Does she normally dress like that at home?  Or does she 'dress for him' whenever he comes over?

Get rid of him. Be businesslike and make no accusation.  And if he gets smart & bitchy when you tell him to walk, then you know.  And if your wife gets angry when she finds out you've run him off, then you know.   --z

Like it or not, it is surely a double standard if you think of your wife as ‘property’, similar to your home and real estate.  Indeed, if you see escorts and enjoy their company, then you better be prepared for your wife to do that same.  What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, the ‘golden rule’, etc., etc., etc.  And you should have thought of that possibility before you started ‘hobbying’ and thought this through earlier.

I have a buddy in NJ who spent a couple years having a great time with one escort after another.  He became a serious player because ‘his wife was no longer interested in sex’.  Yea, right.  He kept wining and dining the ladies, when one day his wife asked for a divorce and confessed she had been having a very hot affair with a younger man for a couple of years.  Yea, right, she wasn’t interested in sex???  She left my buddy to go off and marry the other guy!  Had my buddy been smart, he should have realized how hot his wife really was and spent the attention and money on her that he wasted on escorts.  And a little open communication would have helped them a lot!

My advice to you is to talk HONESTLY with your wife.  If she wants to experiment outside the marriage – just like you already have – then you should be man enough to listen and not hide behind the ‘my wife is my property’ bullshit.  

If you don’t want her to play around, then you better enough of a person to examine your own conduct.  

If you both want and open marriage, then work out TOGETHER.  

But whatever you two arrive at – do it together and do it with honesty.  And shove the ‘double standard’ bullshit right down the toilet before it destroys your marriage.

he didnt say he was mad and decided to 'live and let live'  which i applaud.

LOL, thus far I've not read any of his postings I would agree with, and most that i vehemently disagree with, but we all got our opinions, below lists mine.  

not nearly as many male ASP as there are females and generally women need to feel some kind of 'connection' to 'do the deed'.  So if mamasan is knocking boots with the gardner and not surveiling your every move ... I echo the advicde from LG and suggest a 'dont ask, dont tell'  policy.

Thank you so much Houston!  So let's recap your advice to WD-50:  Pay no attention to that gardener who bangs your wife in your home, in your bed.  And remember to tip him for a job well done.   The consensus view on this thread is to look the other way & you can hobby with a clear conscience.

Here's my dissent:  your gardener is not a discreet partner for your wife to have--he's too close to your  home & family.  In fact, he's right on your doorstep.  

WD-50, if you let this go on, here's what's in store for you:  the gardener will become more brazen about preying on your family.  I hope you don't have a teenage daughter at home, or he may take a crack at her.   There are people on this board who don't care if the gardener bangs your wife or daughter, or humiliates you in your own home.  

I say again: get rid of him.  --z

...all the perspectives.
I am gong to take the don't ask /don't tell route for now.
To protect myself [and her], I will go along with the condoms. I don't really mind them, [and I am used to using condoms anyway- LOL]

BTW, I truly doubt that more than 10% of hobbyests would knowingly suspend the double standard re their SO/wife.

Gotta say, you have got me thinking...

Thanks, Z.

Quick question. If "being humiliated" is one reason to get rid of the gardener, wouldn't it be equally humiliating for his wife if he ever got caught up in a sting and his face was splashed all over the local news?

I think WD-50's wife should fire every provider in town to avoid any possibility of scandal.  And now you see, SinsOfTheFlesh, that your hypothetical really doesn't fit.  

But let's invent a hypothetical that does fit: a married woman posts that she is having an affair with a colleague at work.  But she is troubled because she suspects her husband, WD-50,  is banging the housekeeper. It bothers her that this may be going on under her roof, but she doesn't want to be a hypocrite.  

Advice from Z:  fire the housekeeper, for the same reasons given earlier.   And there you go.   --z  

I'm pretty sure you're on the mark or at the very least so close it's scary with your last sentence. Pity because nothing gets me madder than a double standard...I will come out swinging.

believe me I have had this same issue.
I was seeing a man for 2 and a half yrs...UTIs and yeast infections more in that time than any other time in my life...ever!
We all have bacteria, some good some bad, his bacteria she may just be over sensative to. My ex was making me sick. We split up 3 times over the course of our relationship I never had any irritations while I was apart from him soon as we got back together I'd come down with a yeast infection or UTI. I test and made him test so its not that I was catching something from him or anyone else, I was just overly sensative to him. His bacter ia is just stronger than  mine and since we last split...3 months ago now I am so healthy its rediculous. Well its actually great. Even my OB was not sure why but all 3 times we would split for a month or more I would clear up. I am just allergic to HIM. Talk about a great reason NOT to go back to him. lol

Here are my thoughts, for what they are worth. Fairness isn't everything when different outcomes can be demonstrated.

Men can go out and have sex with (insert super sexy girl's name here) and have no diminishment of affection for their wives whatsoever. And when they do this, the men cannot conceive children that they will then have their wives support. (And getting a provider pregnant is incredibly unlikely). Most men do not see the same provider again and again and again so that a form of sexual bonding takes place. Some may, though most don't; or if they do, don't see her frequently enough.

When the average wife has sex with someone else, it is almost always accompanied by a diminishment of affection for the husband. And when they do this, they can get pregnant and their husband ends up unknowingly raising some other man's kid. In fact, generally accepted statistics are that 10% of babies born to married couples are not the biological offspring of the husband.

The average provider seen by the average man is not about to fall madly in love with the client, and go stalking his wife and try to kill her in order to have the man all to herself. In my limited experience, providers are the absolute soul of discretion and would never do ANYTHING to harm or come in between a man and his wife. (I realize some providers are bad eggs who drug men and stuff, but these are as rare as hen's teeth.)

An affair between a wife and another man, though, has the potential to destroy the marriage from confrontations at the bare minimum along with the standard alienation of affection.

There is a reason why female infidelity is more of a marriage ender than male infidelity.

IMO, a double standard between men and women is indeed valuable AND appropriate based upon the damage and likelihood of outcomes.

There are many double standards in the world regarding men and women that work to women's benefit as well; and I don't hear women complaining about those. It is a more serious crime to hit a woman than to hit a man: double standard. Even though women initiate violence in relationships as often as men (see the Harvard study on this), women are almost never prosecuted. In cases of divorce where child custody is disputed, women win 90% of the time. Women have "rights" while men have "responsibilities." I'm not complaining about this, simply stating that doubles standards that favor women exist as well.

I say: keep your eyes peeled. Generally speaking, though, women cheat with higher status males, not with lower status males; so your suspicions may be unwarranted.

Once you allow this guy to bang your wife enough times under your own roof; your very life will be in jeopardy. So make sure he isn't doing it.

Double standard? Sure. But I've never had a provider stalk me. But I know a lady who was cheating on her husband (I handled her divorce case) where her paramour stalked and attacked the husband!

to reduce the UTIs and yeast infections?

Double standard aside, I don't think you'll let these suspicions easily pass.  You're an intuitive guy, and this inkling will just keep growing (you did use the word "paranoid").  You may be tempted to dig deeper, but you would be better off with marriage counseling and seeing how you could develop more as a couple.  I know that sounds pretty stupid given the hobby, but I think you love your wife, or at least don't want her to cheat on you.

My $.02.  Peace out!

Dr. Phil (McCraken)

And I don't just mean the gardening!

Gardeners are overrated.

Yes. You are being paranoid. Sex is NOT the only way a woman can get a yeast infection. Wearing polyester panties can cause a woman to catch a yeast infection. Swimming can cause a woman to catch a yeast infection. If she was suspicious of you cheating, you would know it bro. She would  most likely confront you and consistently ask where you have been when not at home. And why do you care if she's having a fling with the gardener? You're paying services, yes? Relax and wear the blasted condom.