(Head's up - long, probably boring post.)

The other night I met with a provider and, for the first time in my sex life, I couldn't perform.

The lady was attractive in her online photos and she really wasn't bad looking in person, just not as, well, glammed up.  The first half of our hour-long session we spent chatting.  (Okay, she was chatting, I was replying appropriately (g))  Finally, she suggested we get comfortable and off came the clothes.  Her breasts weren't natural like the ad said; in fact, there was still some light scar tissue running from areolae straight down.  And they weren't firm - they were solid.  Tattoos abounded as well, on her neck, the small of her back, an arm, and below the beltline; not very appealing at all.  And her navel was pierced.  Body piercings always give me the willies.  I can't help but imagine hairs getting caught or getting scraped or snagged by them, especially in the more private areas.

She started me off with some oral, covered - a good, honest effort on her part.  No massages, no carressing, no kissing, nothing like what I had hoped.  I hadn't even noticed that I was getting an erection; all I seemed to notice was that the TV was off and that in a few years, she was probably going to be a member of the Hair Club for Women.  

She tried to mount me cowgirl, but that wasn't working.  I was still oblivious to my shortcomings.  Then we tried missionary.  I finally noticed my inability, the piercings in her privates (EW!), and an odor wafting up.  I half-heartedly played with myself, tried to work up an erection, but, alas, it was to no avail.  We both got dressed and called it a night.

Earlier that day, I had a good (and fun!) massage.  While there was no problem getting aroused, the lady couldn't bring about the happy ending; I had to do that myself.  It was the same thing the day before: a good massage complete with arousal but I had to finish myself again.

The frequency of these encounters is definitely not the norm for me.  My birthday was just last week, so I made a good, long weekend celebration for myself.  Some theater, some movies, some X-mas shopping, and, of course, some frolicking.  I was all hyped for everything but when I got settled in my hotel room, the idea of any of those full-service encounters just...deflated.  I didn't make the call for that provider until my last night in town and a large part of why I did it is, I think, just because I told myself I was going to do going into that weekend.

I think there might be some other things to factor in to this.  I'm a Type II diabetic, five and a half years now.  Past couple years, it's just been some RE.  Now...?  I also think I might be watching - and masturbating to - too much porn.  My video "fantasy" life just might be encroaching on my "real" fantasy life on some subconscious level.  That and my grip might be complicating matters.  And finances were problematic earlier this summer as well when I was hit with three kidney stones and no insurance.  Luckily and thankfully, the hospital and clinic were kind enough to write off about 90% of those bills.

There was no alcohol.  The last drink I had was a glass of wine a couple years ago.  And the only drugs I had were my diabetic meds.

Right now, the thing that's getting to me most about this situation is that it's not really bothering me that much.  Maybe I've seen too many shows on TV where a single episode of impotence becomes a life crisis and it's sort of desensitized me to the situation; I don't know.  I guess I really won't know until the next time I try, but I still wanted to hear from you about this, LG, and from the other members of this august board.  

I'm also tempted to write a review of this situation but I'm not sure if I should, not without making it sound like a slam on the lady which I wouldn't want it to.  Gents?

Thanks for your help.

-- Modified on 12/4/2006 12:59:15 AM

Don't dwell on it... try again, that is what is so nice about this hobby.  Can and will happen to the best of us - admit it or not... more often it is the dance that is more rewarding than the finale.

Bad experience with the provider (Did you check out reviews of her first and did they mention any of the things you found objectionable?)

Then there's the medical issues, the porn viewing, etc.

I'll just comment on one, and that is porn viewing:

I used to spend two to three hours a day viewing porn.  At first I thought it helped me in hobbying as a sort of "how to" guide to having fun, and I think there is some validity to that.  After a while however, I felt it was distracting me and taking away energy that would better be spent with my provider.  I think that was a good decision.  I just have no interest in viewing it now.  It seems that being on the boards has replaced it as a main focus of activity.

What a soul-baring aria, Flaccidio [gotta love that one,]

It seems that this incident made such an impression on you because, as you put it, "for the first time in my sex life, I couldn't perform." Not to be evil, but if this really was your first time, maybe the law of averages dictates that this was your turn? And if anything, it may have provided you with some understanding and empathy for guys that struggle with this on a constant basis?

In any case, I believe that you have provided most of the answers to your own questions. You normally don't have this many encounters squeezed into one short time period. You were "hyped" by all the activities. Egads, just Xmas shopping can drain the living daylights out of anyone, what with parking, crowds, etc. Add to the mix a brain which is willing but some flesh that may be weak - after all, those diabetes meds do have an effect - and you've got pressure to perform, fatigue and mental stress all piled up in one big bundle.

As to the tattooed Hair Club lady - well, this activity ain't an exact science, despite the efforts of TER bringing you detailed reviews. Beauty is still in the eyes of the beholder, caveat emptor, one man's meat is another man's poison, etc....all those clichés really do hold a grain of truth. Of course, I assume that you did read the reviews, but maybe you missed something? Or maybe you don't have a VIP account and can't see all the gory details? In any case, yes, go ahead write your own. It is possible to be descriptive about someone's looks without slamming the person.

The positive in all this is that toward the end of your posting, you state "it's not really bothering me that much." Good! But the question is, why SHOULD it be "getting to you?" As to seeing TV shows where impotence becomes a life crisis, it seems you're a sharp enough guy to realize that it's just fictional entertainment, and that in real life, a few isolated incidents are not life crises. It's part of life. Unless you're 18 and ejaculating all over the place, an occasional incident of impotence is not abnormal.

Now as to the watching and masturbating - it's not necessarily a bad thing to do, but of course, if you disperse your precious life energy into your rosy palm, then yes, you may have some issues when it comes to performing with the real article. The brain is a wondrous thing - it can habituate us to certain patterns that end up being hard to break. And if you add the stress of the kidney illness, the hospital bills and fears of more illness - no wonder resorting to "video fantasies" seems an easy enough palliative. Try to lay off the watching and the masturbating for a while and see what happens. Wait around, get geared up, and then go through the reviews with a fine-toothed comb, just to make sure you don't have any more disappointments like above. You know, tattoos and body piercings can be like cockroaches, LOL. You see one, but there may be 20 more hiding in other secret spots! If it says, "one" in the review profile, just don't go there. And only one lady, please. No performance anxiety-inducing binge. You've got enough going as it is, what with the holidays coming up. Sagittarians are fun and always horny [how about that unscientific tidbit from a shrink, LOL] but they don't always know when to quit. Don't push yourself too much, and you'll see that you'll be singing triumphantly soon again.

It's Verdi all the way,
the Love Goddess

Yeah, I checked out the reviews but after a while, they all sort of started to blur together.  Add in the fact that I never drag a computer with me on vacation (sitting in a hotel room fixated on the Internet isn't my idea of a real vacation (g)) and there wasn't any way to double check anything.

I think next time I'm just going to have to pay better attention to what I researching, maybe even do it while the TV's off so I'll actually read the reviews a bit more (g)

Now I'm starting to wonder if I should change this alias to "Flaccidio Dorkus." (g)

Thanks, LG!  I think everything you're saying here is pretty much where I was going but it's always so much more reassuring to hear it from someone who really knows what she's talking about than to constantly second guess myself.

As I mentioned in my reply to Mr. Fisher, I did check out the reviews but my methodology leaves a lot to be desired.  It was basically a lot of window shopping without taking any notes and a misplaced trust in a mind bordering on REM.

When I do the review, I think I might skip the Hair Club remarks.  Something about that just sounds mean-spririted and she doesn't deserve that.  Plus, given the sheen of the scar tissue, I think the surgeries might've been relatively recent and that's why they didn't show up on her reviews.  As for the piercing notes - I just plain missed those.

I'll do what I can to take it easy with the porn, too.  If nothing else, I've got a whole mess of mainstream movies that haven't seen light of day yet.  It's about time they did! (g)

And only one lady?  Geeeeez (g)  Where's the fun in that?  I still haven't indulged in a threesome yet.  I gotta keep that Sag in me happy somehow (eg)

Thanks again!