If you're meeting a POT for the first time in a restaurant, do you let her pick the place?
I've done this a couple of times -- trying to be a good sport and going to her turf -- but it seems they always pick the most expensive, snootiest, snobbish place they can find. And it may say something about their style and expectations.
I try not to be too cheap about these but I usually a pick a place that is good quality without going overboard. Any thoughts from the team?
Great question. I never ask the POT to pick. Like you, I select a classy restaurant that has good food and moderately expensive so I don't appear cheap. Mostly it is near/close to my neighborhood to make it convenient for me. (I've had no shows and it's annoying to have driven miles.) I have never yet found a POT declining the restaurant. Nearly every time they are impressed with the choice. Plus ladies like the man to be in charge and they are used to not having to make decisions. In fact they like it better if they are guided through the evening.
I will separate this into locations for the M&G and locations for dinner on a BCD date.
For M&G's I no longer offer dinner or lunch meetings. I deliberately suggest times after 2:00 pm and before 5:00 pm, or I suggest after 7:00 pm for adult drinks when I must. I've been ghosted too many times at a M&G to want to deal with sitting at the restaurant bar nursing a glass a wine for 30-45 minutes again. Also, I suggest we meet "half-way" between her location and mine, so the travel risk of a M&G NS is shared.
For BCD dates, I will spend time asking her what her favorite food styles are, then I let her know where I will be taking her, or where we will meet. If she objects for a reasonable cause (like food allergy or prior bad history there) I will suggest an alternate. But I try hard not to have her pic. It's too easy to get maneuvered into going somewhere like Nobu, or Maestro's which will generally have a $500+ tab. Exception is when I want to go to that place, or course.
Life is good
The Cat
-- Modified on 8/23/2024 4:40:59 PM
First of all, all of my M&Gs are lunch dates. Since 99% of the SBs here live in the city 60 miles from my home, and there's nothing in between except prairie dogs and lizards, and I really don't want to be driving home tired in the dark, I expect to drive to the city for my M&Gs. For lunch. I have a favorite restaurant that serves great food and no alcohol. My dates always seem happy to meet me there. Very occasionally they've said they live on the far side of town, request a different venue, etc. But mostly my suggestion prevails.
Always pick. You'd be amazed at how many girls demand somewhere that's gonna be $300+. And they will order every appetizer, food and dessert. No, I've been burned way too many times with that. From now on, I let them tell me what they like and I pick from experience or reviews. Unless it's a coffee date, then I don't give a shit if they get the $12 drink.
Typically, I pick, since I'm the man doing the invitation.
Otoh, if she really liked a place that was 500+, who gives a shit, assuming it's a BCD date.
So wish the guy from the past, the "Gambler" was still here...the dude would run up a 300+ drinks bill and never give it a second thought!
I have no problem taking one of my established SB's to an upscale restaurant, and often do so.
In Los Angeles, Barton G., Morton's, Ruth's Chris, Flemmings, Nobu, Maestro's etc. are all excellent and frequent choices. (BTW: Larson's Steak is not on my list - very expensive but no better than Flemmings and the service is poor.)
But never for a M&G, and never for short-term SB. Of course, in my experience, short-term SB's rarely want to go to dinner. They prefer to BnB (Bang and Bail) with cash in hand. I have no problem just fucking a hot piece of ass. But if that's all she wants, she will typically bail in the near future, presumably as soon as she finds other SD's with bigger wallets and higher libidos (read: they will meet and PAY her more often than I will). And there are ALWAYS other SD's around with bigger wallets. I stick with my budget and have no interest in getting into a bidding war with anyone.
As much as some here may consider me (and Papa Sweet) their Sugar Bowl Guru, GaGambler (aka Gaga) was very much MY Guru. Here's what he famously said:
"I will beg for pussy,
I will pay for pussy,
But I will not beg to pay for pussy."
(Pouring out some of my Colt '45 40 ouncer in respect...)
Life is good
The Cat
'mouche asks a good question, but for me the answer is clear. I am the man; I have the power to say "yes" (h/t Herb); I take charge.
The place I choose and offer to her is part of the total package of what I offer. My selection is designed to make an impression, not merely to check a box for M&G or to get things over with so we can get BCD.
I want her to know I can handle a big dinner bill. More than that, I want her to really, really have a good time. Hopefully a memorable experience. I want her to aspire to be my woman in some sense. The younger the chick, the easier it is to impress her, usually.
The places I choose (upscale, downtown, often steakhouses) allow me to be in my element and provide a luxurious experience for her. When I choose a place where I know the staff, and the menu, and the layout, her impression of me is multiplied. Hell, in the right places, they will pour my young date any drink she wants without checking ID just because she's with me. (One time at a steakhouse I was with two 18yos and the waiter told us the next time he would provide a more private dining space for us. The girls had clearly never experienced anything like that before. Note: That night was a bust for other reasons.)
I read the profiles carefully. If a chick yaks about "Michelin stars" and such bullshit, she has to make up for that somewhere else. Same with sushi. (I like sushi. But chicks seem to have a sushi obsession. It's just not my idea of an elegant date where I'm in control. What do we do after we each eat six or eight bites of fish?)
The last thing I want is to hand the reins to some chick who wants a "Michelin star" place where I don't know how to navigate the bribery system for a reservation in two days. Or a sushi joint where I don't know the routine, the staff, the menu, etc.
Maybe the top complaint I hear from young ladies about their peers is that they do not know how to take charge, or how to "do things." Take charge and do things if you want to shine. Let her choose a spot after you've taken command of the relationship in and out of bed for a few dates. You'll be magnanimous then.
Rockford
I pick the place. It won't be fancy but the food will be good and the service fast. Lunchtime meets require efficiency. If she complains or rejects the restaurant, I consider this a shit test and I will next her. I won't deal with entitled demanding women who want to run the show. I'm paying = I do respect boundaries and I will be a gentleman at all times but I run the show or she's gone. If she's bitching about the food, she'll soon be bitching about everything else, including the PPM and the hotel. Nothing will ever be good enough for her. In my view, this is a sign she's looking for the power position in the relationship. Nope, not on my watch.
I'll buy her a coffee on a first meet.
I'll buy her a coffee on a first meet.
I find restaurant environments not at all conducive to the sort of discussions that need to happen at M&Gs. You can be sitting right next to a family or G*d knows who. Not discreet
Instead I favor a upscale coffee houses next to a park, where we can talk a walk, or sit on a park bench, and have a private conversation.
After messaging a POT on SA (rating her a 7ish out of 10…I avoid “10s” in general) I suggested we meet for coffee as a simple, no risk way to meet and gauge fit.
Instead, she said “let’s meet at JG at the WA for tea”
Well, living in LA I knew right away she meant “Jean Georges” at the Waldorf Astoria in Beverly Hills. Last I checked “high tea” there was $100 a person. For a cup of damn tea!
Pass…
$100 for tea. No wonder that restaurant closed.