I have a pot SB that I'm attempting to negotiate with. I'd like to get a sense of what they would be happy with before sharing what I'm comfortable with. But, when I ask, they keep responding, "what do you think is fair"? I feel like I'm negotiating against myself and would like to say "I think $100 is fair", but I don't want to insult her. At the same time, she might say okay because she doesn't seem completely money driven. For example, we've already been BCD and nothing was exchanged because we hadn't agree on anything. Anyway, I'm kind of stumped. Suggestions on how you would handle a situation like this would be appreciated.
There are many posts here on negotiating. Please search the forum for those as they provide excellent advice. But here's a quick recap:
Asking you what is "fair" is essentially asking you what she is "worth." And her "worth" is a slippery slope to be avoided.
Several problems with "fair" or "worth":
1. It reinforces the transactional context; you must pay a fair price for her service.
2. This is way too subjective and can (will) end badly for you. What is a woman "worth"? She's priceless! Just ask her!
3. IMPORTANT: In the "fair" or "worth" context, SHE has control and has leverage on your offer. If you offer $400, she can counter with "Am I not worth just a hundred more than that?" If you say no, you just insulted her and that is never a good idea.
If you negotiate from your budget, YOU are in control. Any arguments of "I'm worth more" are moot. Sure, she is indeed worth millions just to be in her presence! My suggested negotiation strategy is to base your offers on YOUR budget. This is objective and stays away from "fair" and "worth." Your budget is your budget. Asking you to go over your budget risks her not getting ongoing dates, or dates at the frequency you can budget. So I use language like this:
"My budget is around $300-$400 whenever we meet. Plus, I will always pay for all expenses during our date of course, like dinner, tickets, travel, and such. How does that sound to you?"
If she counters with a higher number, you need to make a decision if you want to accept it or recounter. For example, if you are willing to go higher, you can take the expensive dinners off the table and shift those funds into your allowance budget. (She may even reply that she's not really looking to go out to dinners and such. That makes it easier.)
Finally, be prepared to WALK AWAY if you can't agree on a comfortable number. If you are looking for an ongoing arrangement, going 20-50% over your budget (budget = rate including incidental expenses like dinner and/or hotel room x # meetings per month) you will find yourself getting less satisfaction with her over time as you will always be overpaying. If you are just looking for a Bang and Bail (BAB) because she is insanely hot and a total freak in bed, then going overbudget for one or two BCD's may be a good investment.
Alos, keep walking away as a viable option: There will always be more POT's. Always. I did a "back of envelope" math problem a few years back using US Census data. By my rough estimate, there are around 1,000 to 20,000 women turning over 18 EVERY month in EVERY state in the Union.
Life is good
The Cat
All sound advice, as always. But a big question in my book is, if you offer a range, is she not always going to take the top number? Then what is your move? Is that when you downgrade the rest of the "package?"
Offering a range is a tactical move to make you look flexible and "aware of her needs." It gives her a false illusion of giving her options. Of course, she will always hear and ask for the max of your range, and you should expect to pay that maximum for every date. So if you know you won't/can't pay more than $400 per date, then offer "between $300-$400" knowing you are really only offering $400. She can then accept it and feel like she's getting a "better offer" than your past SB's. And she will like that she's getting a "premium" rate from you...
As for "the rest of the package" costs I recommend you never put yourself in a position to take things (like diners, travel, gifts) off the table. You will lose credibility and look cheap. Instead, this is where you really need to understand her motivations for Sugar dating BEFORE you negotiate.
- If she's only trying to make sure she can avoid eviction and having her car re-possessed, she probably won't want to spend any more time with you than it takes to get a nut and grab her cash. Nothing wrong with that, and she won't really care about upscale dinners or shopping for luxury crap; she can't pay her rent with a pair of Louboutin shoes.
- If she is there to really taste the upscale life, then she will really be excited about the dinners, shopping, front-row center concert tickets. This (or at least a small portion of this) may be what an SD considers ideal, as long as he still gets great BCD time along the way.
In either case, you should calculate your budget spend for "package" costs before you determine your allowance offer. Remember, your Sugar costs are calculated as:
Total Planned Spend =
PPM Allowance
+ date logistics costs (hotel, parking, tests, etc.)
+ food and entertainment
+ shopping or gifts
Your budget must be set at what Total Planned Spend you want to pay, not just the allowance she will get.
So your offered "range" is really an offer of the max of that range. And you would be wise to buffer that as well so that you have some room to go over your offered "range max" if she presses for it.
Ex: Your Total Spend Budget may be $850 per date. Assuming you will spend $400 on non-allowance costs, that leaves up to $450 for allowance. But if she's not into the luxury shit, your non-allowance spend may only be $200, leaving up to $650 for allowance. In either case you know you only want to pay a maximum of $450 allowance for this SB. So you offer a range of $300-$400. If she pushes back for more, you know that you can appear to "struggle to go over budget since THIS babe is so hawt!" or other such bullshit reasoning and agree to increase allowance to $450.
Life is good
The Cat
Again spot on from the guru..
Sugaring is an interesting "market" because there is no real fair price or cost of doing business. Gals will say they spent xx on their hail and nails and such but that's really more for themselves. And no one HAS to sugar. If it's too expensive guys can walk away. If it;s not an attractive proposition for the ladies they will stay on the sidelines.
So it's really a question of what feels good and right for both sides. The gals want something that makes an impact on their lifestyle (there's a range here.. some also want recreational sex, some are desperate for cash) Guys want.. well you fill in the blanks but I think we want an experience that makes us feel good. Some will want more of a relationship and some will want to move along each time.
Reframe from fairness to talk budget
Btw she sounds a little inexperienced
I tell the lady that I have seen such a wide range of asks that I like the lady to tell me. If it's way too high I reply....too much for me. Take care. Be safe.....90% of the time they come back with a realistic counter. I've noticed we are all talking PPM. I wonder what % of arrangements are monthly? 5%? I think a lot of SB are wannabe UTR escorts. Seeing 4 to 6 guys at a time. I just had one ghost on me after 2 years. Her lifestyle and job didn't match up financially unless she was seeing several other guys than me. Of course she said it was only me. Lol
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