I generally have a positive attitude. However, posting on this board has become more difficult as of late. It seems several of my last threads started out positive and turned negative due the context being lost at some point along the way.
As an example I posted a topic that asked if it were possible for a provider to actually receive more pleasure than the client in any given session. Bottom line - it started out positive but by the end it had a negative tone.
More recently I posted a thread pertaining to a very enjoyable activity that was new to me and I posted to see if anyone else had experienced it. And, although the first few posts to that thread responded to the topic over 80% of the responses were a discussion of the STD risks (true or imagined).
Here is my question for today thread. Is it possible to keep a thread on topic or if it gets off topic can it be brought back without an escalation of negativity? Or, should anyone who post topics with regularity about personal experiences simply be prepared to be a target (because I am feeling like its time to remove the bull’s-eye off of my forehead).
I think that the last few posts that you have put up have been wonderfully thought provoking and have contributed to the natural discourse in this national board. Your threads contain numerous replies, which indicates that you motivated people to respond, and the questions themselves have led to digressing threads, which means that people have actually thought about them.
I would be very positive about this. You cannot control the nature of the responses or the general characteristic of the development of the thread. Your definition of "positive" may need to be adjusted, because I think that your posts have had a very positive impact on the board. Particularly since nobody has had an real criticism, or expressed any offense regarding the original posts.
Hope you keep with it.
-- Modified on 1/20/2008 7:34:49 AM
Dude,
I feel your pain. I used to be the top poster on all of TER for a number of months last year. Do a search of my name for the last two years and you will see.
When I was posting a lot, I was constantly being berated and lambasted by people who were negative and hell bent on being miserable and making everyone around them miserable.
If you want to post, post. But be aware that there are risks in doing so. I have had guys get MAD at me and PM me repeatedly for voicing opinions.
I have had ladies that have refused to see me because they disagreed with something I posted on a message board.
My advice: Post away and just let the chips fall where they may. You can't make anybody else happy, so why should they be able to make you miserable?
Best of luck,
Terrev
"I have had ladies that have refused to see me because they disagreed with something I posted on a message board."
That's rediculous. I say good riddens. I think I'm the top-poster on this board now , and I pay the price. Just silly to DNS someone over an opinion, although it falls into the category that Tom Leykis encourages guys to stay out of 'The less you say..the lest the woman can find a reason NOT to sleep with you'..
-M
First and foremost...in my opinion it is poor forum etiquette to highjack someone's post. If it does veer off into another subject altogether, another thread should be started on that topic by those wishing to discuss it. There will always be people out there who enjoy being negative just for the sake of stirring things up. Those people just need to be ignored. Others may bring up very good points related to your posts, I suppose it is up to the original poster to ask that they make another thread or not? Not sure how to handle that....Hope that helped some.
You should see the fights on the food discussion board, ChowHound! TER is far from the worst. But if you're gonna post, you're gonna get negative responses . . . nature of the beast.
Just be glad this isn't a proctology board.
What's the harm of getting flamed a bit now and then?
No one (outside of a small circle of friends) knows who we are.
Grow a thick skin and enjoy the ride.
MF - thanks for interjecting some much needed humor! Of course, you are right. Point well taken.
and you can be unfairly blamed for threads that aren't even yours.
I am sorry you felt high jacked. You can just post that you are looking for specific responses and when you get what were looking for you can reply that is it is on target.
Just be specific and you can always take your thread back by asking for on topic posts.
Check out the Legal Corner.
You can see how posts get off topic and can navigate back.
Enjoy!
I have submitted nearly half a dozen post to that thread largely supporting your assessment of the risk associated with the ascribed activity. However, I am never requested un-moderation status and those post have yet to appear. Nevertheless you share partial blame for what happen when you inflamed the situation by implying one of the ladies was being hypocritical. I known that lady and although I think her arguments are faulty, she practices what she believes both in her professional and private life and is no way a hypocrite.
Here is a suggestion. The next time someone pipes up and tells you that a particular behavior is not necessarily safe, or is above and beyond what a typical woman can handle, try taking the advice of others seriously instead of digging in your heels and becoming indignant that someone was mean enough to rain on your parade.
Neither of the threads you mentioned went negative until YOU took them negative. In both instances, someone told you what you didn't want to hear, and you turned around and become defensive and argumentative.
When I pointed out this fact to you in the previous thread, your response was that you are upset that you come here to discuss topics, but that you keep hearing that the things you are doing is dangerous or wrong. Well, should we lie to you? Should we let you just keep living in your fantasy world where every woman is a highly interactive blow up doll, and STDs are something that only happen to other people?
At this point, I'm perfectly willing to let you continue to be clueless and taking risks with your health and life. I pity the poor women you encounter, but have little sympathy for you because you clearly do NOT want to learn anything. It appears you are more interested in having others slap your back and tell you what a MANLY man you are, and there are certainly plenty of folks here who are willing to do that. So I will let them.
Thanks SOTF - I knew I could count on you to give a perfect example of the topic of this thread. Commenting that I am clueless, you pity any women I have seen, then on my Manly Man-ness (manhood). You don't know me. However, your example of personal insults does bring home my point exactly. And, I am not going to return the favor.
However, it would be great if others could stay on topic and refrain from making it personal.
-- Modified on 1/20/2008 11:57:25 AM
LOL yes, your response is a perfect example of how you operate. Once again, someone (me) has told you something you don't want to hear. Rather than deal with the substance of my post, you seized on two words out of a lengthy post, and chose to 1) misconstrue them and 2) ignore the rest of the post.
I made no comment on your manhood, nor did I insult you. My statement was "It appears you are more interested in having others slap your back and tell you what a MANLY man you are". In other words, you seek only confirmation of that which you already believe, and react negatively to any information that does not support what you want to do or believe. Was that a more clinical analysis for you?
My response was a direct response to your topic. You wanted to know if it was possible to keep a thread on topic, or avoid negativity. Well, my answer is to try giving the responses you recieve some respectful consideration, and accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, you are not the repository of all human knowledge. When a woman tells you that your idea of what a woman's body is capable of is skewed, try listening. When someone tells you that an activity you found pleasurable is risky, try listening.
Is that really so hard? Is that really such an outrageous suggestion?
If everyone here agrees with everything everyone else says, then half of us don't belomg here.
I thought it was a perfect example of someone giving you their own personal view on a topic you solicited feedback on. Hardly a "personal attack" if you ask me. I thought she said you were full of yourself in a very constructive and thoughtful way...lol.
Agree with you 99.9%. I woulda said he was full of crap instead of full of yourself but I wouldn't want to seem too negative. LMAO!
don't get discouraged. It's the nature of the beast that you will be criticized, and that others may use your thoughts as a digressive springboard into their owwn concerns. It occurs all the time. It's an open forum, and out of your control, so...
The posts you allude to were widely read and generated a lot of response. That means you're doing something right, and of interest to many of your peers in this community. That's a compliment to your intellect and your good sense.
If you really want to see negativity, wander over to the politics board.
If you're worried about saome ladies possibly forming a negative impression of you based upon your posts, consider posting under an alias when you think what you want to say/ask is going to generate heat. There is one guy oo another board who is explicit about doing this. As long as you do not use the alias to engage in destructive personal abuse of others, it's worth thinking about.
I've been wimpy about this myself, but it's a mistake to let the possible negative reactions of other deter you from posting what concerns you. If it concerns you, you can be sure others in TER are concerned about it as well.
Good luck to you, I'll look for your handle in the future.
Sins had pretty much summed up what I think.
I do dislike the hijacking of threads, but hey, it's going to happen.
You must also remember that your positive may be another's negative, and everyone has an opinion. If everything were to be positive and perfect, this board would be like a ghost town. Just don't take it personally.
She said exactly what I was thinking as I read this latest post of yours.
And as terrev said, "I have had ladies that have refused to see me because they disagreed with something I posted on a message board."
This would definitely be true for you. If you wanted to set up an appt. with me and gave me your TER handle, I would respectfully decline.
I formed that opinion based on one of your very first posts on this board... see link...
-- Modified on 1/20/2008 11:21:34 AM
On the topic of "Staying Positive" one critical thing I have learned which is of real value to me and perhaps other hobbyist here is the real heart felt input from providers.
Although I have taken my licks (and admittedly made mistakes as well as showed some hostility from what I perceived as personal attacks), I believe I have a better understanding of the hobby in general and hearing from the ladies has definitely been helpful.
I am so glad to know that hearing from the ladies has been helpful to you. What an epiphany. LMAO
You post a topic. It is discussed. People express their opinions. You may not agree with their opinions, but they post them anyway (as you do with each new thread). Then you argue with those people about why they are wrong (putting the bullseye in place). It seems to me as though you are simply looking for someone to give you positive reinforcement. A discussion has many sides and opinions. We don't come here to carry you on our shoulders and say great post buddy!! We come here to discuss and debate. People aren't always going to agree with you. When you post so many new subjects everyday, you are going to get some disagreement. I have read them all and I see no personal attacks.
And you weren't even looking for that
You crystalized my thoughts exactly.
Any simpleton can read your post about rubbing your unprotected cock on a provider's pussy and see that SIns Of The Flesh was the person who turned it into a PERSONAL ATTACK. Yes, SOTF you turned it negative by personally attacking him with an ugly attitude of condemnation. A Woman Like Any Other took issue with your point of view, but didn't make it personal. SOTF did.
You gotta remember, there are a lot of angry and frustrated people on this board, both hobbyists and providers, who are looking to eviscerate the first convenient target.
ROFL.....pardon me?? I posted three responses on that thread. For your convenience, I am including the entire text of what I said on the aforementioned thread, in order of appearance. Please review my responses and indicate for me EXACTLY what I said that was in any way a personal attack. I will await your response with baited breath.
****No, it is NOT less dangerous. The risk is the same. One other poster called it SSG, for SLIPPERY. STD's such as gonohorrhea, chlamydia, syphillis, and HIV are transmitted by the exchange of body fluids. What do you think is making all that grinding feel so good? Body fluids - hers AND yours. And when those body fluids have a chance to come in contact with one anotehr, you are at risk for contracting any of the above named body fluids. As an added bonus, your precum does contain sperm, so pregnancy is also a risk.****
*****I'm starting to see a pattern here. You bring a topic to the board, someone tells why that there is a problem with what you want to do, and you become defensive and argumentative. Maybe you should give us ladies a little more credit. We do know what we are talking about sometimes because it is our business to know.
Uncovered private to private carries the same level of risk as BBFS. It really is as simple as that. Yes, BBBJ is risky, but members of the medical community, who I believe, have said that uncovered oral does not carry the same level of risk as uncovered intercourse.
For my part, its a matter of choosing my level of risk. I can't stand the taste and feel of latex in my mouth, so I choose a slightly higher level of risk than if I covered everything. On the other hand, if for any reason whatsoever, I have a concern, I don't hesitate to use a cover for oral.
Risky, yes, but still a very long way from uncovered FS.****
****First, regarding breaking the routine = if you want something off the beaten path, be assertive and tell her what you want to do or want her to do. I don't want to say that the progression you just described - LFK to DFK to BJ to CG is routinized, but those activities certainly do flow nicely one after the other, and without any hints from you about what you want/don't want, its kind of inevitable that she's going to work her way through activities that she knows 99.9% of the male population likes.
Second, regarding private to private grinding with no protection. Go get yourself an STD test. Any and all risks associated with sex - including pregnancy - are on the table even though no penetration occurred. If she rubber herself on you with no protection, its a sure bet she's done the same for other men, and your chances of contracting an STD are the same as they would be if you had BBFS. As good as it feels, and I know it does feel good - it is a risky behavior that should be avoided, or done only with protection. Sorry to be the party pooper****
PS. Yes, I freely admit to being slightly anal retentive.
-- Modified on 1/20/2008 3:56:29 PM
Perhaps you ought to consider investing in Miracle Grow so you can grow yourself a set of REAL BALLS for the future so that you will not have to cower behind an alias.
Now THAT my dear witless coward, was a personal attack. Notice the difference?
watch the humor. I laughed out loud at this and then had to come up with a cover story for my wife, who was sitting next to me. 
I'm still waiting for you to tell me what I said in the previous thread that was a personal attack.
Guess its going to be a long wait, huh?
Eye, the concept here was to be more positive. Placing anger on top of more anger will not result in anyone's point getting across any stronger. No one wins in these situations. It just leads to more negativity.
If you are interesed in people staying on the topic of the original question in a thread, try eliminating commentary prior to asking your question, and try to ask one question at a time. In your post on "Breaking the Routine," you did ask the women if they had tried the same activity that you had. Some let you know that they had not, and why, which I don't feel is getting off topic. Sometimes it can be difficult to state things totally positively and constructively when the person feels unsafe behavior is is being supported or justified. If you are truly asking a question to get information, you will get it if you listen from the perspective of a learner. If you are asking a question cloaked as an opinion or attempt to get personal validation, be prepared to get flamed. There's nothing wrong with letting your opinion be known, but develop a thick enough skin to take some hits if you choose to do so.
this is a community; you get what you get.
i think all mac computers are shipped with the IGNORE button, which is like the staples EASY button, only more cheerful. you must be using a PC.
if you ask a specific question, you'll get a specific answer (sooner or later). if you ask a general, open ended, philosophical, gee has anyone else tried this question, you are just throwing juicy meat into the bottomless dark pit.
little kitties (kiddies) don't live here. it's life. deal with it.
I understand your frustration T. but that is not the nature of how a message board works-not just on TER either.
-- Modified on 1/20/2008 7:37:46 PM
Your alright in my book man. I've been attacked myself for a relatively thought to be harmless opinion. I like the discourse on these boards, but sometimes it gets a little nuts.
You've got the guys that use aliases and are overly-agressive, who magically turn into huge pussies and white-knights when they use their 'review' name. I have no respect for alias people at all. I put it all on the table under my name, if someone wants to hate me for that that's fine, and you do the same.
So I'd just take it for what it is. Keep sharing, it helps us all to learn about providers and fellow hobbyists..which since I don't know any in the real world, is fun to get insight on what makes them tick, because,..hey they do what I do!
-M