I agree. That is one of the best posts I've ever seen here. So frank. I needed to hear it.
A friend has a hunch that providers don't have time, prior to meeting a prospective hobbyist, to say more than a few lines in emails, that they don't have incentive or ability to "get intimate" with someone that might not turn into a paying client.
I say it depends, BUT: I think there's a whole lot of exchange of info between providers and prospects before meeting -- sometimes talks can go on for weeks or months before they meet, and substantial amounts of info can be exchanged; I suspect that loads of flirting goes on; that details of personal lives can be and are disclosed; and that in some cases fantasies and cyber sex takes place.
Of course, I'm not basing my suppositions on any of my personal experiences...but just wondering -- and this is one where we really need to hear from providers. We all know that hobbyists love to hear from themselves.
I have had some girls that respond quickly and are very chatty, and others who, even though I always use reply so all of are corrispondince is thier for her to refresh her memory, act like my 3 email setting up a date and time is the first time they have ever heard of me.
There are almost as many answers as providers. Some providers will tell you on your website that they don't have time for lots of e-mails; others like to engage in enough e-mail conversation to get a real sense of who you are.
"We all know that hobbyists love to hear from themselves."
Hello Turk,
This is an interesting question. I do get requests from people several months in advance at times. Generally a couple of weeks from traveling guys as San Diego is such of a large convention area. I would say about half of the guys I meet let me know a bit about them, and like to know more about me before meeting. They seem to want to know more than they are willing to share however. This puts me in an awkward position at times, because as much as I want to be friendly, I am guarded as well.
Although I know ladies that are wildly free with flirting and conversation prior to meeting, I am very skeptical when it comes to this. I won't flirt until I have fallen in love and I have abandoned all reason and his wonderful penis is in my mouth, lol. I had the unfortunate experience of meeting a local vice guy who did get completely naked and that was in the police report. I have been forced to cancel dates because of fantasies revealed, or requests to wear a thong. For me it is a very delicate thing, the conversations and exchanges of e-mails can be extremely incriminating.
Also, a friend of mine who is now retired whom I believe you know as she has spoken very highly of you, once recieved a phone call from a wife who had intercepted his correspondence. It was very graphic and there was no way out for her or him on this event. I really try to only speak in perspective of our "meeting" for these reasons as I do not want to add to the anxiety of an SO who stumbles across her husbands musings. The more professional and generic our correspondence is, the safer I feel as well as hoping to be protective of his potential situations.
If the client had a specific clothing request, how would you want/need to learn of it? During the first encounter in person? There is the question of ettiquette, but how could such a request be delivered properly BEFORE the first "date"? Via telephone maybe? Some providers do not provide phone numbers. Your help on this question would be great Jenni
On my website I invite them to ask me to dress casually, formally or "frisky" attire. Ask for skirts and stockings, heels, but do not ask for things like thongs, garter belts. Anything that we are not supposes to show you. When someone asks for stockings and heels, I get the rest of the picture.
You might say "I really love red lacey things". "I love seeing a woman wearing a black mini skirt with stockings and heels" That is just a statement. It is not an agreement. Your statements can be done by e-mail or phone. When someone directly asks me to agree to wear something he is not supposed to ever see like a thong, or garter belt, I get spooked and I don't go. I cannot agree to do anything like that. I suppose I could agree to it. But then it would be risky to let him actually see it. Unless I am advertising as a stripper, and have a license to do so. I am advertising as an escort. Escort really only means that. To escort someone here or there.
When I got busted, the questions were so very subtle. "Are we going to have a good time"? "Is that you in the picture"? "I'm married", after he got naked and I straddled him giving him a back rub, I was also naked, he started trying to cut deals, anal for money, etc. But I have since been approached by one asking me what "frisky" means. I have since put my definition on my website.
-- Modified on 1/9/2005 5:54:08 PM
You are the most passionate advocate for screening. Did you screen in the case where you ended up arrested? I remember a post where you may have wrote that you did not at that time, but there were many replies in that thread.
You got busted? What happened to lead up to that if you don't mind sharing. How was the screening process conducted?
No I did not. I pretty new at that time, and had worked breifly for an escort service a few years before. I knew LE was approaching me, but had smelled them out quite a bit. I was lightly screening guys through employment, or going on gut, but I was actually targeted through a post I did on the SD board offering a "freebie" to a deployed single guy. That was March 2002 when they were sending guys to Afghanistan. They saw my patriotism as a weakness. So the detective said he was in the navy and was uncomforatable with my calling him at work. I let him in and ended up in a snare. I wasn't paying attention at all that day. I should have noticed his shaggy hair, I didn't, I didn't check for his military ID, I didn't do anything right that day. I felt a bit off, and actually had tried to call back to cancel, but was getting no answer. Then when he said he had arrived I gave him my room number, even though my gut was not right, but did not want to dissapoint someone who had driven there already. I have learned not to be so freakin nice now.... LOL. Kinda sad, because I know I have rejected some decent people, but if I feel anything wrong, anything at all. I abort. What is even sadder is that most independants won't see military guys in San Diego because they can't be screened and that particular detective is a reservist and does have a Naval Reservist ID.
...if you lived in DC.
OK, well... it might have... but you can't blame a guy for trying.
Jenni,
I had someone mention you to me earlier in a positive way and you've been on my mind since then. Then I popped on here and read this post. It really got to me and I thank you for sharing.
LJ
You have helped me a lot with your insight. Thanks
I agree. That is one of the best posts I've ever seen here. So frank. I needed to hear it.
You're a cutie and a half!
I don't give a lot personal information to clients, I have never met. I'm a private lady and have to be comfortable with someone, before I open up about myself.
I also find, most guys that want to flirt back and forth, are not always serious clients. Some just want to communicate with you and have no intention of ever seeing you. Being a Provider makes you cautious, as this can be a risky business.
I think I'm in love 
how about a tour to Philly, we have lots of conventions here.
Interesting question, Turkana.
Actually, it might be interesting to hear also from the hobbyists too as to their impressions of this initial connection. Do the providers get it about right? Or would they prefer more or less chat or interaction? At this early stage should everyone keep sight of the fact that it is after all a business transaction?
One other thing to factor in, is that either side may not see things quite the same way - so much can be confused or lost by email, don't you think? One hobbyist's early attempt at humour could cause a provider to hit the block button.
~A~
All you need to be is courteous. Remember she gets a lot of email and doesn’t want to spend all day answering emails or burning up cell minutes. If there is something specific, be discrete, I think that’s all that is necessary. I try to keep emails and phone calls down to a minimum, if they want to chat that’s fine. But their time is money
Thanks, silver337. Your reply is what I expected to hear.
~A~
I have to say, I am not a fan of attempts to exclude one side of input, have seen several and wish they would stop. Back to the subject at hand. As a hobbyist, I prefer to work out verification and meeting details with a provider over email or the phone, the conversations are basic and no fantasies are discussed. I prefer that she show up in a business suit or high end casual dress. I absolutely do not like having a woman come through a hotel to meet me in a mini skirt.
Other guys have their needs, but what I wrote above is how I prefer meetings to go.
Am a pretty good judge of character via the simple reading of emails... If more info or a better sense of the prospective client's character is needed, we write a bit more. Might be surprised at how genuineness and a sense of trust (or lack thereof) come across so clearly.
Anything remotely graphic before meeting would end everything right there. And no civilized gent would ever write/ call with the intention of a thrill.
Not keen on specific wardrobe requests.... my reviews give clues to my style and wouldn't be comfortable in a plain-Jane secretary look, as one client asked, or in platform shoes.
My style is classic, feminine and simple. There's a long list of clothing in which I really don't feel all that comfortable - platform shoes, miniskirts, anything super tight, costumes, short shorts, etc. I have finally realized it's just best to turn down wardrobe requests that don't fit my personal style. I won't sacrifice being me for the sake of a few dollars. Me being uncomfortable (either physically or psychologically) = an average to poor time for my clients.
I wear what I feel more comfortable in: Sexy, classy, alluring. I am also NOT a big fan of "hooker shoes (platforms)", anything tight, costumes (save it for halloween please), and miniskirts. If I were walking the streets, sure those types of outfits would come in handy for me. But, I am NOT. My reviews all state me as being classy woman, and I tend to want to keep that image. This is not a pun towards other providers who do dress this way for everyone has preferences on their dress codes.
My personal experiences have shown me that men who want detailed email correspondance on a regular basis before the initial meeting are a huge pain in the ass - before, during and after the meeting. I'd say at least 50% of these correspondances don't even result in a meeting. I no longer will carry on these correspondances for legal and personal reasons.
My best clients are the ones who email the verification information, follow instructions regarding confirmation and respect my boundries regarding my personal life.
You are absolutely right on about that IW. Those guys are so high maintenance, and their fantasies are usually so out of hand, they are a pain, and then they usually write a crummy review, because thier expectations are so unreal, they are often dissapointed when they meet a real person.
I have often chosen to decline from those as well. The best are the ones who simply follow protocol.
I'm one of those hard cases who has a problem with protocols that involve sending identifying information over the internet or storing it on a computer or voice mail. Personally I think that is a bad idea for both the provider and the hobbyist. (Busts that involve confiscating the provider's computer give LE a way to play clients off against the provider. I live in a small state where some cities spend stupidly large amounts of money on screwing providers.) But I don't think I'm a pain in the butt about it. I write to the provider and offer the part of her requested info I am willing to provide (including references). If she has a well-established record, I also offer to meet in advance in a public place of her choosing to give her the remaining information verbally. If I get no answer, I assume that she is offended that I didn't send everything and try someone else. If I get an answer I make the rest of the correspondence as efficient for her as she seems to want. And that varies hugely from provider to provider.
...because I LOVE a LOT of correspondance before the intial meeting...and once I start corresponding, I stick to the same provider and NEVER back out (if she writes back).
But I don't ask for a lot of details... it's just a lot of chit-chat. Nothing more than you'd expect from a "date". I just want to get some feeling of her before we meet (e.g., all business vs. down-to-earth).
the correspondence from a fella who writes you out of the blue and one you've been bantering with on the Discussion Board...
Is that correct? Do you flirt if you know the LE threat is removed? Or is it about leaving some computer trail?
(My last dates have been with ladies I've met on the board and proceeded to have quite a bit of correspondence with. Perhaps I've been spoiled that way.)
I actually had a fantasy that I didn't know anything about the person I was about to meet. Seems like an odd fantasy for a hobbiest to have.
The only time I recklessly flirt is if I think it is LE, then I agree to everything they say and try to get them to spend money on a hotel. Then I go out with someone else.
...LL you are (one of many)...this is a sentiment directed her way for all the right reasons by many others, she is quite remarkable in many ways.
Not just a pretty face...she is so much more than that, and wise beyond her years!
-- Modified on 1/10/2005 4:35:02 PM
Now that is way cool! (Unless some poor sap just sounds like LE.)
Being spoiled most certainly isn't bad, but please don't expect that same level of correspondance from everyone woman you'd like to meet. Some women here really are undergraduate students/graduate students/full-time career women/wives/mothers/caretakers of elderly parents, etc. We simply don't have the time for that type of banter.
I need to know what I'm walking into cerebrally before I book a date. It doesn't take exhaustive correspondence because I can get it most of what I want to know from the discussion boards.
If a lady has the time to chat in a chat room, or emails me a couple times, or we chat on the phone... I have an awfully long memory and that correspondence comes in handy later on when I'm on the prowl.
It's a luxury that wasn't possible without the Internet. And I take advantage of it, I guess.
It may change, but currently I like to establish a certain friendship with my date.
-- Modified on 1/9/2005 8:36:03 PM
I've been given license to flirt occasionally!
Want someone to make you all better?
injections involved?!
YES. and YES. and YES. mmmmm yessssss, all for you ....how are you feeling now?
I stood up too fast. Maybe I should lay back down.
-- Modified on 1/10/2005 6:06:01 PM
Email's a great medium, and I prefer it over phone, but I don't think I would meet someone without talking to them first.
I have exchanged email with a few of my more familiar clients and I've found that, even when I know a client well, I really need to establish boundaries. Keeping up email with one person can be very time-consuming; keeping it up with several, for me, is impossible. I don't mean any offense to clients, but it seems like a waste of resources (time, energy, sleep) to have a long email exchange with someone I haven't met; I can rarely maintain it with someone I know.
I will use email for quick info, though. Same for phone. Just no fantasies, rumination, or existential angst.
I just remember that regular correspondence and the freedom to chat anytime is **not** included in the price of the session, and is probably not being offered. My rule is, never make myself unwelcomed or a pest, and for the most part, I think I've succeeded.
There have been a few providers though, that it has been my joy to correspond with. And one dear woman on a regular basis, (you know who you are, honey!) but I didn't expect it. There's a few others I'd like to, but either I can't tell if it's welcomed, or, unfortunately, I don't have time in civilian life.
/Zin
I myself attempt to keep "chit-chatty" type correspondence to a minimum, both initially as well as after seeing a lady, in order to not come off as being a possible pest. There have been some that I would like to have "non-business" type contacts with, & I feel the best way for me to handle it is to leave it in their court. I've let a couple of them know that if they ever want to correspond just for shits 'n grins, then they are more than welcome to contact me. That's a good way to let them know you are interested in chatting without imposing on them first. For the most part, I will only contact them first if it pertains to a business-related matter.