🤔 How many members can truly say they are proud to be here?
🫶🏽 Yes! I am a proud provider. I am happy to be here on TER. I share this adult community to anyone who maybe able to benefit from the TLC one can find making friends on the erotic review. Happy Pride Month! 🌈
I really mean that. It has been so good to me and I have tried to be good back to it but have failed at times. This community has lifted me up on so many occasions and I have made so many friends here over the years.
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Where would I be without amazing women who have shared so much with me to create fantasties and provide me with that human interaction I so need? Speaking for myself, I would not be in a good spot without the amazing care of providers.
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So yes, I am proud to be here. And happy Pride Month to you and all our LGBTQIA+ peeps celebrating this month as we celebrate with you!
I'll admit to some mixed feelings. I hate having this part of my life that I can't really tell anyone IRL about. I wish my friends and co-workers were open-minded about this sort of thing, but wishing won't make it so
OTOH, I love the thrill of my playtime. I couldn't be more thankful to the lovely women who have graced me with their time and their favor. 10 days ago, I was watching 2 gorgeous, sexy gals engage in spirited debauchery with each other and, just before I jumped in, I reflected for a moment on the the ineffable joy not only of doing this but of the fact that these beautiful women are here, now, doing these things with me and for me; how fucking lucky am I? It remains the singular feature of this enterprise that makes it special to me.
So am I proud? I suppose I'm proud to fly my freak flag (at least here) and to celebrate those who do.
Am I happy? Does the Pope shit in the woods?
Same. I certainly am not proud enough to tell people in my life about it. At the same time, I am proud that I can say I’ve fucked some of the hottest women around via this hobby. How many normal guys can say they’ve fucked a pornstar or a playboy model (or someone who looks like one)? I guess that’s the beauty of this website- likely the only place we can discuss, review and boast about our exploits.
This is not something I am proud of. Having to pay for fabricated relationships, which really is 1 hour romps about once a month, is not classified as one of my better ideas. This doesn’t take away from the fact that I have enjoyed many of these romps. This is something I would never have done when I was younger because I didn’t need to pay for it. As I have gotten older, I have not maintained my fitness well and just don’t feel as motivated to put in the work.
I am curious. If you dont think p4p is one of your "better ideas", why not leave the lifestyle? For me, escorting is one of my best things I decided to do as it is so exciting and at the same time, helps with loneliness. And what better way to do that than to see cool, young women you are super attracted to and have sex with them and converse with them? Thanks for your response, if you feel comfortable doing so.
Did you miss the part about me enjoying the romps? If I leave it, I will not get laid by hot young women. I’m just past that point in my life. But one can both enjoy something and not be proud of it. Remember, to each their own. You have your perspective and I have mine.
My point had nothing about you being proud or not. I was asking why you were saying it wasnt one of your better ideas. That just seems in contrast to you saying you enjoyed it. I am not being argumentative with you, just trying to see your point. Anything in my life that I think wasn't one of my better ideas, means I wouldn't do it again if I had the chance. See my point now? Sorry for the confusion.
I think it is a matter of cost and benefit. The upside is obvious, you get to hook up with hotties fairly easily. I've had a lot of fun spending time with women who wouldn't otherwise be available to me.
The downsides are less obvious at first but become apparent after a while. Sure, the sex is fun but sometimes a guy might wonder if he would have been better off directing that time, money and energy elsewhere. Some guys might have been better off if they spent some of that time and money on therapy and gym memberships and less on escorts. Also it could reinforce some negative behavior. It can teach guys how to get their sexual needs met without having to meet someone else's emotional needs or open themselves up to vulnerability. Also, it might also make some guys delusional about their own appeal and value. After a while, it might cause some guys to become narcissistic and emotionally stunted. You can see the results of that across any review board. There's a reason why most discussions devolve into shouting matches where nobody can admit they are wrong and guys write endless paragraphs trying to prove some point
I can fully understand Zeel. Maybe if he could run the clock back he would make different choices. However those choices have been made and they cannot be undone. So, based on where he is now, he's decided to keep seeing escorts because its the best option he has available to him. Think of it like this, there are plenty of people who choose a career they end up hating, but they stick with it because the money is too good and starting over is too hard.
I wonder if Zeel will agree with most/all of your points and my suspicion is he most likely will. It is interesting to read your thoughts on this. It sounds like what you are saying is that when Zeel, and maybe even many men, think back on their choice to enter this realm, that they may come to the conclusion that the net/net affect of seeing providers is a negative one, but one that have grown used to or maybe even addicted to. IOW, they dont know any other way now.
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I am not saying everything is always peachy keen for me. Last year, and 2020, for obvious reasons, were disasters for me. It had nothing to do with the downsides of seeing providers but more my inability to see them i.e. due to Covid in 2020 and personal, health reasons for me last year.
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I am curious how many guys, if they could, would go back in time and decide to never see providers moving forward. Personally, I would get back in that DeLorean and crank it up to 88 miles per hour, not avoid escorts in the future, but to go back in the past and correct the mistakes I have made as I know from talking to enough men, and women, we have all made a few. We are all human.
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Thanks for your great post and the time in crafting it.
All very excellent points. I think I would also add to that I think there is shame surrounding the profession that continues for no good reason. Well, except for that stupid illegal part, but I digress. We are still shunned by mainstream society, so it is not like most providers or clients are shouting from the rooftops that we are partake in this lifestyle. Well, I do, but that is a different story. lol
Everyone needs physical and emotional connections with another human, even if that only ends up being for an hour.
Everyone that follows me on twitter or has seen my posts here knows that I am a very strong advocate for the decriminalization of sex work, but I also work to destigmatize as well, for providers and clients.
Seeing a provider should not a replacement for getting mental health care (everyone should, serious. We all have coconut issues as one time or another in our lives!!) nor should it replace living a healthy lifestyle. But it can be an excellent way to enhance your life if you enter into seeing providers in a realistic way.
Thank you! Seeing providers and escorts has been a net positive for me. I've been given the opportunity to explore my sexuality in a safe environment with some incredibly beautiful and sexy women. In addition to scratching an itch, it provided me with a sexual confidence I would never have gotten without providers and escorts.
However I kind of realized at a certain point before COVID that I would be better off putting myself out there and striking out a few times rather than doing research and paying for a sure thing. I also decided to be a bit more forward and open about my kinks and sexuality. It worked. Cutting back on drinking and going for walks helped as well. I just started having more np4p sex. It was going great until I got my fee fees hurt a few times (which will happen when you're in a slut phase). Plus, work got busy so I stopped dating. I didn't stop getting horny so I came back here after a hiatus. However I still recognize that at some point I have to put myself back out there and while this is fun, it also means less time and opportunity for other things that life offers. I'm probably not going to stop anytime soon, but it will play a lesser role in my life going forward.
I 100% agree with 420’s points. I’m not too proud to admit I have regrets. I’m also not hanging my head on them. It’s not like it’s made me depressed either. It’s more reflecting and admitting where I may have made better choices.
Most of my life I have thrived on deeper relationships. Given I look 10 years younger than myself and have a good job, if I had kept at the gym about 15 years ago when I stopped, I might have a 30 year old arm candy with me. But instead I stopped, have back issues, and find myself popping prescription meds for numerous things. While I could go back to the gym, it’s the difference to being at the bottom of Mt. Everett and looking up vs. already being at the top and staying there. I’m no longer feeling motivated to starting that climb.
Also, I really don’t like having this part of my life that I can’t openly talk about. I have to keep it secret from coworkers and my family. That thing I said earlier about relationships, that’s not just sexual. That extends to my family, friends, and coworkers. I build great connections and don’t like having a secret identity vibe with this part of my life.
I appreciate you jumping back in. I guess I am just very lucky as I view p4p as such a joy, but I have been hurt on several occasions and messed up a few as well. Those situations are hard to deal with as I tend to want to be a fixer in those cases and not everyone wants fixes. Some just want to move on, like a surgeon after an operation that goes badly. Those are very few and far between, so you expressing your regrets about anything lifestyle related is appreciated as many others feel like you do; dare I say almost everyone?
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Your last point is so spot on. I wish I could tell family and friends of my exploits here but that cant happen. Leading a secret life is so hard on so many providers, and clients, as most of us have so much to lose. Fortunately I have built up relationships over many years, with both providers and gents in this realm so I get to share in my highest joys and commiserate in some pretty bad lows too. It helps to have like minded people to vent to, and listen to them venting, as no one outside the lifestyle would ever truly understand.
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Thanks for opening up Zeel. It feels like we all went to therapy together.
And not in a good way. If things were different, they'd be different.
And it's not just the illegality. The mere fact of paying for pleasure casts a pall of "loser" on the entire enterprise, as in, you can't get it any other way so you have to pay for it. The irony is that, this is true in some key aspects. For instance, despite the numerous civvies I've dated and had long-term relationships with, there were only a couple who would do anal, a couple more who would do CIM, and exactly zero who would consider girl-girl play. So yes--I come here for things I'm unlikely to get IRL.
None of that overcomes the potential alienation and emotional distance, especially for women. I've known several providers who confided this is a lonely way to make a living. For some, they may be sectioning off half their daily lives from friends and family. And if you're working in a house where you're just sitting around waiting for someone to make an appointment (think Kgirls) I imagine it can get lonely real fast.
We humans are actually pretty adept at compartmentalizing. I think it gets harder when it's something that engages our emotional lives and our primal instincts. So yeah, pride doesn't figure into that part of it.
-- Modified on 6/18/2024 3:31:04 PM
I def remember, especially the first few years, of having the "loser" feeling about paying. I guess, over time, I just got comfortable with that notion as I was attracted to much younger women and I know it would be impossible to get the age and beauty of girls I would want to bed without the money. I now feel lucky I have the money to see the women that attract me.
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I couldn't agree more that the business can be lonely for many providers. And as you say, so many have to make a major sacrifice with the lack of time spent with friends/family due to the inability to pass up dates in this realm, although that certainly doesn't define every or even most providers.
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But of the ones that do, it is an extra added burden to the "living a lie" concept and the fact it is so incredibly difficult to date in the RW while being a sex worker. Every girl that has talked to me about this tells me they never know if they should tell the BF, or when, so many make a pact with themselves to not date in their civie life while providing, which is sad certainly.
I'm a bit of an outlier in that I've lived a fairly compartmentalized life, friends and associates based around specific activites and those spheres pretty much never overlapped, so the problem of secrecy doesn't seem to impact me that much. But I do agree with the general point as I cannot say I am fully immune to isolation.
I also see the whole "have to pay" slant but actually think it is largely misplaced (but when do emotional response care about reason). I don't think you can find any relationships that are not "paid" for -- the one's that are not are generally one-sided and unhealthy. Even if we limit the area to pecuniary payment, as in P4P, there are pleanty of examples of intimate relationships starting with a large element of financial benefit present and those relationships failing when financial problems emerge. I have been know to tell people that marriage is merely state or religion sponsered prostitution if the basis of marriage is financial. And it's difficult to prove if that is or is not the case ex ante.
I don’t agree that relationships are all financial in some way. I agree those exist so not disputing that it happens. But there are plenty of relationships that are not financially motivated. I’m very much a relationship type of person. I had a relationship where we both split costs of everything from day one until the end. And this was not my idea. It was hers specifically because she wanted to remove the financial element. It was one of the best relationships I ever had too. It always felt like it was about us, not our money.
I didn't say all were financial, I said '"paid" for' and then noted that even if one limits the focus to pecuniary (in other words, financial/monetary) many were driven by that.
The point, I thought might be obvious, is that just because you're paying something in the relationship it's not at all clear one should feel like a looser. That includes paying in a monetary way.
I interpreted paying as financial. But it seems you are using that term differently. Well sure, relationships are all about being willing to compromise and give things up. I see what you’re saying, but don’t feel financially paying and compromising for a relationship are exactly the same either.
"I don't pay them for sex. I pay them to go away."
Personally I wouldn't take advice from such a source on pretty much anything but simply doesn't apply (no was it it at all what the thread was about). I go to incalls so have no interest in "paying them to go away". Much better that they stay.
I think maintaining your health is key to enjoying life--both here and IRL. If I don't feel good about myself, it's almost impossible to enjoy companionship, paid or otherwise. Which I think is why I'm so often horny after a good workout--that feeling of physical engagement and energy makes me feel powerful. I had a particularly vigorous workout last Saturday and all I could think about at the end of it was how much I wanted to plunge my face into the lap of a hot woman.
For the last 17 years.
I use TER as the information site that it is. Nothing more, it's not some lonely hearts club for me.
I'll help when ask and share any experiences that might benefit others. Just don't be an ASS.
Because when I jointed TER back more than ten years ago it was the Golden Age. I was able to meet -- at first on line and then in person -- a great group of like-minded mongers and mega-sluts who shared info, ran some epic M&Gs and had great times together. One of them introduced me to the joys of Costa Rica, which opened a whole other chapter in my mongering life. That era ended but several of them are still in my life, which has been richer for it. Very few guys got to do what we did and my non-mongering friends were jealous when I shared my adventures with them. Once I even took a buddy and his very open-minded wife to dinner at the infamous Cocal in Jaco, CR, surrounded by putas. I am proud and shameless and unrepentant and have loved this life.
Hello Miss Queen bia, I am relatively new here but I catch on fast. I have been out of the whole pay-4play / "hobbyist
lifestyle & scene" since 2006, but I am rapidly merging into it and accelerating to become a full fledged member of the TER community.
I am Proud of myself in general; I am 56, retired, a Harvard Graduate, and everything I have done and accomplished was in spite of being born with a congenital bone disease that confines me to a wheelchair (but I am fully functional and active....everything works, more or less.)
I can come up with a lot of justification, a lot of reasoning to make the argument of why and how I need to do what I do....it is part of my life, part of me. Since I am proud of ME, one might argue that I must be proud of hiring women such as yourself. This would be flawed thinking......the best way to put it is this: I am NOT ashamed (or "unproud", pr embarrassed)
When I say I am "Proud and Loud" I am poking fun at the fact I am also hard of hearing and thus tend to talk louder than others when I don't realize the tone of my voice. Also, if I am ever with a provider such as yourself, and I am engaging in my favorite "crippled pervert antics" involving the most rapid fire sexually explicit graphic language/dirty talk imaginable, (as I mentioned in another thread) I have my lady utilize one of those Police Bullhorns to talk dirty so I can hear. Have a nice day....
about being over 50 and "fully functional, . . . more or less." Most of us without your other issues deal with this from time to time. However, I got onto TRT in my mid-50's and it seemed to solve the occasional problems. You might want to check it out.
With that said, I salute your attitude and courage in being handed a few lemons in life and turning it into lemonade. I learned long ago that what I get out of provider sessions is usually a reflection of what I bring to them.
So is lust, Mr. Prairie. Not sure if a fuck board is where you want to be slinging shit about religious ideals.
LOL
I enjoy sex. I also enjoy eating chocolate ice cream. I can't imagine enjoying ice cream to be a matter of pride.
Quit equivocating. It's clear that the OP was using proud in a completely difference sense of the word from that of "pride" in the passage you reference. Typical troll behavior.
Define it then.
words can have multiple meanings. With pride, it could mean a reasonable sense of self esteem or satisfaction with oneself/identity. There is pride in the psychological sense. There is a sense of pride, which describes an emotional state that is the opposite of shame or humility. There is excessive pride, or hubris. Its like a spectrum my man.
Since I have him on ignore I can only imagine the stupid shit LP said this time. I prefer the religion of P4P myself.
I wouldn't be here if I wasn't proud of being here
I am proud of this community because, it's important to be able to express yourself without judgement, I find pleasure in helping others let go of their inhibitions and have fun freely. It's a wonderful feeling.
I had to give this a good deal of thought. IRL I attribute "pride" with an event or act, the details of which, I would enthusiastically share with my friends and family. This hobby is not on that list of activities that I can share. But, after giving it more thought, I decided that I am indeed proud.
Mostly, I'm proud of this community. We embrace the truth that we, as mammals, are genetically predisposed to look for partners with which to fornicate. Nature's purpose of course is for pro-creation and to increase the population size. But, thanks to science, we can enjoy all of the physical incentives build into the sex act, without any (or without most) of the long term consequences.
I believe that as a community we embrace the dual realities of human nature. The male of the species is ever on the look out for someplace desirable to deposit his seed. And the female of the species is always looking for a consistent source of resources. Voila! The perfect combination of human nature and commerce. That's something of which to be proud.
I can honestly say that i'm proud to be an Escort.