I find this site very valuable, but I have to confess I am puzzled by a lot of stuff I read here, as well as by some of the assumptions behind the rules for writing reviews. I guess my main source of puzzlement is that so many of the guys reduce the whole thing to scorekeeping--how many "services" does she provide, how many "pops", etc.
And the review-writing guidelines (which are ignored by most of us anyway) state that a provider can't even get a top score unless she goes for anal and various other things that I am personally not interested in.
I see the same trend in porn: obsessions with cum facials, alternative orifices, gymnastics, etc. Yet all of this seems to reduce the whole thing to an arms race to see who can be more nasty or outrageous. Is that really what is exciting? I realize we are dealing in illusions, to some extent, but still, isn't there an element of personal connection involved here?
I personally don't get anything out of an encounter unless I feel there has been a personal connection, regardless of the gymnastics involved (and as far as anal goes, sorry, I find it gross, but I realize that is just a matter of personal preference). That connection is why I find a provider with whom I click and then stick with her for as long as it feels that way.
Ok, so am I misreading a lot of you guys out there? If not, am I missing the point of the Hobby? And Ladies--any thoughts?
"personal connection" takes place, I view that as a bonus, but not a prerequisite. Personal connection is what wives, girl friends, and mistresses are supposed to be for. Don't get me wrong, I've made many connections, and friends in the hobby ( and have had 4 different ladies invite me to their homes for nights and weekends gratis). The hobby is first and foremost about pure sex and fantasy for most guys. (I'm sure I'll get flamed by the "sensitive" types out there). Flame on!
You speak the truth. If you “click” and a friendship or even more ensues; then great! If you’re going in LOOKING for a connection you’re looking for trouble.
and i am not saying that's a bad thing. MHO.
"Happiness is a rich hypochondriac"
I agree that the event is better when an emotional connection is part of the date. Having said that, to create a review process that has any meaning, there needs to be an objective set of guidelines. The problem with that is the event is completely subjective. IMHO, that's the real problem. Especially for a newbie, he finds some hottie that treats him like the good looking guy he knows he isn't, and BAM...she's a 10. After a while, we refine what it is we're looking for, and review according to our modified scale. I guarantee that you can find plenty of 10s from experienced reviewers that have no mention of greek.
I hear what you're saying, but I don't have a better system.
I go to my regular provide for straight sex. No BBBJ, occasional CBJ, we've stopped DATY, yet with her I have the best sex ever; that's mainly because she is very responsive. I did not review her but if I did, according to the TER standard, she would only get a 7 for performance.
...out of this hobby, then you're not missing any "points". A lot of us want and/or need the "personal connection" to really enjoy the sex. Some of us do not. My ATF is very attractive, gives great service, and has made me feel like a true friend to her. We have great sex and a lot more. She is my "type" and she is one year older than me, which lends itself to our connection. Having said all that, there are times when I want to be with a 21-25 yr.-old "hottie" just for the SEX. And, of course I'm married, and there are lots of times when I question "what the hell am I doing?" as I love my wife. I've come to the conclusion that I am truly a sex addict who needs a variety of women for a variety of reasons.
with a bunch of guys feeling different sides of it, and each describing it as something else. (This is just a metaphor, by the way, I'm not into beastiality.) In any case, I feel very much like you in that I much prefer a session with someone with whom I've made a real mental/personal contact, even if the actual physical interaction is on the plain vanila side, than if I'm with a porno star who does everything but I have little mental contact with.
The first is an experience that leaves me feeling elated, the latter, I may feel great during it, but later feel a bit empty.
But to each their own. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that if you don't find total support for what you think is right, it means there's something wrong with you.
Hairy,
You are not missing the point at all. I agree with you that connection is important. If there is one thing that alot of the ladies can't stand it is to have a gentleman come to her with a list of positions and what they want. It is just plain tacky and obsurd. Women don't work that way, even in this so called Hobby. I know alot of ladies who just don't give a rats ass about scores, ect. They offer so much more than just the "pornographic appeal" that has been planted in so many mens minds. Porn is not reality, and certainly does not apply to all Ladies in the trade.
It seems those with lower maturity levels tend to be prone to thinking that the ladies in the trade are objects and will perform and act like what they see in Porn Films. No wonder so many become so frustrated when an encounter does not happen like what is on the "Big Screen".
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 2:10:27 PM
Kat, your posts are very introspective and very right on! I wish that more men would concentrate more on the connection/chemistry between himself and the provider, and less on how far she can put both her legs in back of her head.
Keep at it sis! 
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 2:23:19 PM
when clients concentrate on the connection, we regret it. VERY recently I received a thank-you email from a provider I VERY recently saw and it was very flattering til I noticed the email was actually addressed to herself and I was a blind carbon copy. lol
Two sides to every coin. Its all just an illusion, but damn, ya gotta try to make it convincing dont ya?
Kat,
It also seems the 'maturity' issue, not age but maybe confidence or poise, applies both ways. I've met and dated some wonderful ladies, all ages, who enjoy the supremely erotic dance of getting to know someone new. No preconceived notions, no lists, just enjoying the moment in a mutually comfortable manner. This dance always has some rules, even if you never find them because you never test the boundaries. But then all relations have their rules.
Yes, I understand the need for the rating system for men (I guess), but it makes a provider want to quit the profession at times. It's supposed to be a fantasy, but unless we also feel it's a fantasy and not about how many positions we can employ, whether we allow facials or not, and do we do anal gets very annoying at times. Personally, I love to explore the entire body, be passionate, be romantic, be sensual. It's not a game for me, but when I look at reviews, it sometimes takes the fun out of it. I try not to even read reviews anymore. When it gets to be too much then I'll retire.
-- Modified on 2/21/2006 5:27:13 PM
That's encouraging! What is interesting is how even the language we use reflects differences in how we see things. Whoremoan said he is sometimes just into the "fantasy", which seems to mean something completely different to him than to me. I AM into the fantasy--but for me that MEANS the "connection".
My ATF for a long time indulged the hottest fantasies I could come up with, and we role-played all of them. She was the sex instructor, I the naive virgin. I was the sex instructor, she the virgin. I was the teacher, she was the delinquent student kept after class. She was the massage therapist who decided to take it further. She was a new love doll, and I was the guy who got to test-drive her. And so on.
We would dress up for the roles, and sometimes meet during the day to play them out. Mechanically, the sex would have looked pretty plain vanilla to anyone watching. But what was going on in our heads made the orgasms almost debilitating... For both of us! Then we would lie there and giggle, and critique each others' acting, and smooch just for good measure. Knowing she was so into it too a lot to me.
Oh, why the past tense? She's left the hobby and I'm looking for another who can play like that.
Ok, thanks for indulging me with all the comments. Hey guys, try some of these out, or write your own. You won't regret it.
My favorite so far was playing the boss, and I went over to his hotel room. We were at a conference together, and I had some major counseling to give to him. I had glasses, notepad and all. Wink!
Hugs,
Ciara
...and more handsome...and funnier...
I don't think so. When I was in the hobby (recently retired) I left with an empty feling if it was just a sexual experience. My ATF was was the only one I would see (and continue to see on a friends basis) because of the mythical "connection". Many times no sex would transpire but I would leave the session more fulfilled than if we had covered every acronym twice.
The scorecard evaluation is way off the mark. We're not machines. My current ATF doesn't do several of the activities necessary for a 10, but every session with her is a 10 to me.
There is a purpose: It shows the goal that a particular provider can provide (one or two shots, which holes & positions, etc..)
But how you get there is up to you and her.
The goal can be achieved thru lots of preliminary kissing and carressing, and since some providers will not kiss, if you need that to connect on the journey, you then know to seek a different traveling companion.
Everyone's needs are different, hence the need for details that sometimes go against my personal nature to provide.
But it is important for the provider, too. There is no need for her to have someone expect some service or port of call that she does not offer.
Quite the contrary. I think you're right on the mark. Put me down as another sap who is looking for an interpersonal connection with the lady who agrees to spend time with me. That connection might be intellectual, cultural, culinary, sports related -- something, anything. For me, the ensuing sex is inevitably hotter and more satisfying because it involved another human being. Otherwise, it's just kind of sterile.
I am a widower, and have joined in the hobby because I need the companionship and sex, but I am not interested in a relationship at this time. I find it difficult though to be physically intimate with a stranger. It really is helpful for me to have an opportunity to get to know the person a little bit first. I saw one provider that offered a discounted "social" date for that purpose. I wish more did.
Truly intimate experience and connection is highly personal and subjective, but for me it is more likely to happen when I am with an intelligent, emotionally mature/secure lady. I have been with the Pam Anderson lookalike PSE and it left me feeling stupid, wanting to leave... I much prefer the genuinely shared erotic experience, regardless how "Vanilla" it may appear.
-- Modified on 2/22/2006 9:52:42 AM
Excellent post!!! No, you are not missing anything. I certainly am not equipped to be a parn star, but I can have a good time. For me that includes laughing and smiling.
I'm constantly amused by what I read in these reviews when I do read them.
Apart from the description of the providers' physical characteristics I take pretty much everything with a healthy grain of salt.
I've always felt that even the most honest, secure, well-adjusted guy is going to lie about his sexual activities at least half the time. I believe this even more so in the case of our comercialized sexual pursuits.
WHATEVER you're in for in the hobby, and WHATEVER you get out of it, you only have to please yourself and explain nothing to anyone.
Good luck!