Review: Catalina Nior

General Details

TER readers love bad reviews. We delight in reading about someone else’s misfortune when what they saw wasn’t what they got. We feel vindicated when little Miss Perfect turns out to be perfectly awful, because no one can possibly deserve those 10/10 obviously fake reviews, and we saved ourselves from wasted Franklins and a bad time. And nothing’s better than those scathing putdowns. “Carmen Jade? More like Common Jaded.” Or “Her attitude sucked. And she wouldn’t.”

So, you definitely won’t like this review. Carmen is awesome, and this 40th review is going to be as boring and predictable as the previous 39. She’s petite, sweet, and a treat in and out of the bedroom. There’s a quality and presence to her that is absolutely addictive. During our last date in New York City, I took her to the Russian Tea Room (don’t hate on me, it was my time, my dime, and we were both hungry) and she turned every head in the place, male and female. It wasn’t her attire or ethnicity. She reminded me – and it seemed everyone else, of Audrey Hepburn, projecting an understated but extraordinary beauty, charm, and poise. She fit the image of the glamorous person of note you’d see eating at a famous restaurant, with me playing the role of Igor. And Igor definitely enjoyed the look of envy on the ladies’ faces at her natural beauty and effortless elegance, and the guy’s faces at how someone like her could clearly be enjoying dinner and conversation with someone like me.

The vibe in the room and subtle public flirting with each other was both aphrodisiac and prolonged, teasing foreplay for us, causing us to skip dessert and head straight back to her nearby hotel. VIPers can read on about one of the best after dinner treats you can experience between Boston and Philadelphia.

Even if you don’t think you’d like chocolate (and come on, you’re an adult in the big city, and need to move out of your comfort zone once in a while), I would see Carmen regardless of her race or ethnicity. (But gender is another matter, lol!) She is a model-perfect beauty scaled down into a spinner body that her pictures can’t do justice to, she is genuinely nice with a great attitude, and she is a smart, interesting proper young lady who you’d be eyeing at a cocktail party or fundraiser. Proper, that is, until you get her behind closed doors, kiss her hard, and slip off that little black dress, exposing her lacy ivory Agent Provocateur lingerie on a life-sized flawless doll…