I did search the boards, looking for tips on first BCD security measures. I did find a few ideas, which I've added below. I've added others ideas that came to mind.
What steps should I take in preparation of a first BCD session to ensure that I'm not leaving myself open to theft or assault or worse? NOTE: An overnight is not an option for me. But, feel free to include any suggestions in that regard as well.
Here's the list that I have so far (am I too paranoid?). Please add or comment.
- Lock up your valuables (car/safe).
- If you can't host, get a hotel for the first BCD. Later BCDs can be at her place.
- You book the room, and get there first. Specifically to lock up any valuables and ensure that no one is "waiting" for the two of you. This is also an opportunity to set the "ambiance".
- Park your vehicle in a well lit/traveled part of the parking lot.
- Meet her someplace public, and then have her follow you to the location.
- Make a planned "unplanned" stop ("Oh, I want to get wine. I need to hit the ATM. etc."). I've done this before, and it gave me confidence that she wasn't traveling with/being followed by someone who would be unwelcome to our meeting.
- Others?
TLDR Version
I've chatting with a smoking 20yo POT in my accessible vicinity. Although we're still messaging on SD (I'm always reluctant to go offline until after the first M&G), she seems very open. For example, when asked whether she was open to a mutually beneficial arrangement with a mature man, her response was "Yes, I'm open to anything!" (the exclamation point is a clincher). But, she has also suggested that she "doesn't get much attention". Which is very hard to believe. As such, my spidey sense is tingling (but, that's not the only thing tingling). I'm obviously anxious to meet this girl and establish an arrangement. But, if she's as "open" as she claims, I'm going to want to take this BCD ASAP (maybe even with the M&G). That said, I don't want my little head to get ahead of my big head. Your advice on security measures is greatly appreciated.
I know I have posted on this in the past, but it's been a long time.
You list is pretty good. But:
1. It may not be practical to have her meet you somewhere public then have her follow you if you mean diving. That may come off too sketchy to a POT SB, and it may cause logistics issues for her (Ex; If she came in an Uber, had to pay for parking, then repay), and she may be leery of following a stranger somewhere... Plus it reeks of the hooker model where the provider has you drive to gas station and text her before she sends the actual address.
- If you are at a hotel, have her meet you at the bar (if there is one), or perhaps outside the lobby.
- Wherever you meet, spend time (15-20 minutes) talking with your clothes on to get acquainted, get a feel for her vibe and let her relax a bit. Don't make this a hooker-type meeting where if your dick isn't in her mouth in the 1st 10 minutes, you're worried you won't "get your full hour." This is a DATE. Treat it like a date.
2. Having her "host" in future dates may not be an option for her: parents, roommates, campus dorm, she is well-known in the neighborhood, etc. Where you will meet for ongoing BCD needs to be discussed and agreed to either before or at the 1st BCD.
3. Wherever you fist meet - hotel room, Starbucks, etc. - it's always a good idea to arrive 15-30 minutes early so you can:
- Scope out the parking lot, look for an accessible parking spot that's not right in front of the location door in case you need leave in a hurry.
- Pick a waiting spot that give you a good view of the parking lot and her likely path into the building. If possible, try to see how she arrives: Best: solo in her car or by Uber. Not as good: walking from somewhere. Or worst: Arrives as a passenger in a non-Uber car. The driver of that car could be a friend, or BF/Pimp.
4. Drop the planned "unplanned" stop. If you follow my 1st tip, it's not necessary and from her POV, sudden changes to the plan make you look suspicious.
5. This last one is your failsafe but may be the most problematic: Tell ONE good friend what you are doing and where you will be. If you wake up in an ice-filled bathtub in a Tiajuana hotel and find one of your kidney's missing, you need that friend to give the Cops some starting clue to find you.
Finally, I will restate the NUMBER ONE Safety Rule: No cash in advance - EVER.
Once you hand her the allowance she can leave at any time. For those who are insistent, claiming something like "some other guy refused to pay" or other worries, stay firm and reassure her. Some have suggested showing her the cash before heading to the bedroom. This is a judgement call, and brings us back to hooker-type behavior. When I was really unsure, I have in the past, split up the cash and pre-positioned it in two spots in the room. Perhaps $100 on one table or in your pocket, and the rest in a dresser drawer. Let her see the $100 and tell her she gets the rest when done. if she still presses, you should probably cut bait and let her leave. This is the point where you MUST drive with the little head.
Please let us know how it goes. We all learn together, from good and especially from bad experiences.
Life is good
The Cat
Thanks Cat. I've tried to incorporate your advice. This seems like a good list of first meeting/first BCD security measures. Additional input is appreciated.
First M&G/BCD Security Rules:
- Propose a brief meeting in a public location (not a meal). Starbucks/any coffee shop/cafe is a great option.
- No cash in advance - EVER. You can offer to pay for her M&G drinks/taxi/Uber/fuel. For BCD, once you hand her the allowance she can leave at any time. For POTs who are insistent, stay firm and reassure her. Perhaps place $100 on one table or in your pocket, and the rest in a dresser drawer. Let her see the $100 and tell her she gets the rest when done. If she still presses, you should probably cut bait and let her leave.
- While you're waiting, situate yourself in view of her likely path of arrival. If possible, try to see how she arrives: Best: solo in her car or by Uber. Not as good: Walking from somewhere. Or worst: Arrives as a passenger in a non-Uber car. The driver of that car could be a friend, or BF/Pimp.
- Park your vehicle in a location away from the front entrance, but quickly accessible to an exit.
First BCD Security Rules (second meeting):
- If you can't host the first BCD at your location, get a hotel. Later BCDs can be at her place, if that is an option for her.
- You book the room, and get there first. Controlling the room first ensures that no one is "waiting" for the two of you. This is also an opportunity to set the "ambiance".
- Ask her to meet you in the hotel bar (if there is one) or a location in the hotel, away from the lobby.
- (If possible) Tell ONE good friend what you are doing and where you will be. If you wake up in an ice-filled bathtub in a Tijuana hotel and find one of your kidney's missing, you need that friend to give the Cops some starting clue to find you.
Security Rules for every BCD:
- Lock up your valuables (trunk / hotel safe).
- In the room, spend 15 -20 minutes getting to know one another, before the adult fun. This is a date. Treat it like one.
These rules are general guidelines. And, not necessarily exhaustive based on your circumstances. Every person has different risk tolerances and the interaction will evolve differently between individuals. But, keep these rules in mind as you're navigating your meetings.