And calls us, how would you lile us ladies to handle it?
Someones wife called me today, caught me totally off guard, i just said "sorry cant help you you'll need to talk to your husband" and hung up. If it were your wife what would you want us ladies to do?nothing new. I am a consultant, tour guide, yoga instructor, personal trainer and some times I sell 401 K plans.
business as usual and block the number. If I have his work email I will contact the client with some key words from my vanilla business act address to give heads up.
They appreciate it in the past... and are regular visitors 
Then send an email (unless that also is compromised) to the client about what happened and what you did.
The less said the better, and it could create an iota of doubt with the wife.
I dont think i even saw the guy tho, he called me at 6am when i was asleep (wife told me), and i cant text him to warn him because she has possession of his phone
You answer the phone,
You, "Hello"
Irate wife, "Is this Colleen?"
You, "Who is this?"
Irate wife, "This is John's wife"
You, "I have no idea what you are talking about, good bye"
Do not acknowledge who you are, whether or not you know her husband, or attempt to engage her in ANY kind of conversation, simply end the conversation without giving her ANY information the moment you ascertain she is not a prospective client calling you. It's like talking to LE, nothing good can come of it.
Right on, GaG. The less said the BETTER. But just hanging up and blocking the number would likely be the WORST thing to do, MrFisher. Why? Answering and saying very little other than that it was likely just a misdial allows for deniability; but answering, not saying a word, hanging up, and blocking the number seems to CONFIRM there's something shady going on.
Not sure if Bianca and Rob attracted the most careless hobbyists, but this must've happened to us at LEAST 5 or 6 times. Lucky for us, I WAS a personal trainer and so I'd just have Bianca pass me the phone so I could inform the irate lady on the other end that she's got nothing to worry about.
But there was this one memorable occasion when the wife had Googled our number. I flipped the script and started asking her about HER sexual fantasies. The end result was that we ended up setting up an erotic consultation session and they seemingly lived happily ever after.
I'm sure all my fellow Providers can relate as I wasn't then, nor am I now out to destroy marriages; in fact, although I'm available for MFM/MMF encounters across the entire erotic spectrum, I'm specializing in helping couples spice up their sex lives. One steamy encounter at a time...
This. Just say "Sorry, I don't know a John. You have the wrong number".
She just saw that he called me at 6am this morning (i was asleep then."
Caught me totally off guard.
This has happened to me before n i told the wife she must have the wrong number. She started yelling so I yelled back "YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER!" and I hung up.
I probably shouldn't have yelled back but normally when people call other people yelling, it's a natural reaction. She never called me back but the following day her husband did. He thanked me for handling it n said his wife apologized to him for not trusting him.
She had found that my number in his phone that he didn't delete! I kindly told him not to call me again because I had no desire to be subpoenaed to court and he was reckless by not covering his own ass.
XOXO
TL
You, "hello"
Irate wife, "Who have I reached?"
You, "No, who are YOU?"
Irate wife "My husband called you at 6AM this morning"
You, "I have no idea what you are talking about, do NOT call here again"
... it was a clients wife.
She acted so cool. Same as what GaGambler said, except she added "Honey! (to me) It's a wrong number." And then hung up. She blocked the number right away.
Unfortunately, it didn't end there. The wife showed up to the apartment complex where her incall was. Thankfully, she did not have the apartment number. There were restraining orders etc. She eventually gave up. During all of this, the monger kept wanting to make appointments.
The silly turd of a client was kicked to the curb too.
Boy am I happy I don't have an SO that I hide things from.
Exactly! So nice to be free of that.
Instead of their husbands? If I dropped dead tomorrow my clients would just simply find another girl.
Exactly, they think that it's your fault. I don't buy into it's the wife's fault either. The monger makes the choice and takes the action. Personal responsibility.
OK, I'll get off the soap box.
Jealousy is not logical, yet it is an extremely common human emotion. Very rare for a woman to find out her SO is cheating on her and they not see the other woman as a threat.
If their wife dropped dead tomorrow, they would simply find another girl . . . . . but NOT another wife.
Them sorry you must have the wrong number, and goodbye , hang up and block the number ..XoXo
I just say as everyone else has above. if you're in the business long enough it will happen. I've had it happen to me and I basically froze and said sorry wrong number lol. Block and delete. No point in getting involved in that drama.
i just said "sorry cant help you you'll need to talk to your husband" and hung up.
I recall reading about this situation a handful of times on other message boards, but for the life of me, I can't remember the specific advice that was given.
I agree that the less you say is probably better and let the hobbyist come up with an excuse for his wife. Because if both your stories don't match up, it could get uglier.
Maybe your question might be a good thing to go over during the screening process for both providers and hobbyists because I'm sure situations like this will continue to happen.
Now for me personally, I'd probably mention something involving a photography client as a reason for calling. Sounds pretty reasonable, I guess. (lol) But one suggestion for anyone in your position, I might say something like I'm not sure who you're referring to but I've received a bunch of calls regarding the items I'm selling on Craigslist (prearranged between provider/hobbyist, of course). And obviously, the non-existing ad "has already been deleted," if wifey wants to see it.
First of all, I always lock the screen on my phone when I leave it someplace, and it has an eight-digit passcode that she'd never guess.
But if she did get past that, who would she call? All provider names that might be a hint of their profession are disguised. They're all therapists, counselors etc. I delete texts and calls with providers immediately after a convo is finished.
Plus... she's given me permission to see providers! So if she did call a provider, it would probably be to thank her for making me a happier, less stressed person.
Amen Bro. This is a "duh". EOM
Which throws most if not all excuses out the window
Talking to angry wives is just like talking to LE, the more you say the deeper the hole you are going to dig for yourself. The answer is DO NOT TALK TO THEM AT ALL.
You aren't obligated to talk to everyone who calls you. People are always accusing me of being "unnecessarily rude" well IMHO some rudeness is absolutely necessary, like when someone calls you up with the intention of interrogating you. In that case, it's not only your right, but your obligation to be a bit rude in return. You are NEVER going to satisfy the suspicions of a jealous spouse, all you can do by talking to her is to make the situation worse, so DON'T DO IT.
"Talk to your husband"? OMG, how about total denial that you've ever heard of him or why your number is in his phone. SMH.
My hobbyphone is locked and off when I'm not using it (pretend it's a handgun). If it's ever discovered, it looks a lot like several other old phones I keep in a drawer. Only difference is the battery is charged, but I sometimes pull one out and use as a wi-fi only device. The majority of contacts saved have male names.
1. I panicked was caught off guard and didnt know what to do.
2. Besides i have no interest in seeing clients who dont take precautions with their phone. I am super careful with their information and privacy i expect the same in return.
I'm sorry, but getting defensive here doesn't bode well for your character. You're basically saying:
1. "I respond poorly when under pressure"
2. "My client's safety, anonymity, identity does not matter to me, but I want everyone to think that they're safe with me so I continue making money."
These are two attributes that are glaringly incompatible with the hobby. Flip roles and ask yourself if you should be doing anything but apologizing to your client. How would you feel if you were unrepentantly outed to someone who would use that information to catastrophically affect your life for the worse?
Mr justsauce16 what would you have said if someone called you on your business phone and started asking the same questions?
This girl gets a lot of calls and most calls are good customers. I wonder what name the client had in his phone?
I would have told them I had no idea what they were talking about and that they had the wrong number, obviously. This sort of thing does happen to everyone, though the circumstances are a bit different.
And, I'll point out, I'm not in the business of discretion. There's no overarching agreement with my clients that I will keep their business with me private outside of whatever NDA I'm working under.
Dont you think I had all that in mind? I am absolutely not out to ruin anyones life, and I feel for the guy but he couldve also put my life in danger by not being more careful with his phone, ive heard stories of other providers property being vandalized and receiving physical threats from scorned wives, wives calling the cops on providers, stalking you name it. 20/20 hindsight is everything. If i couldve gone back in time do you think i wouldve handled it differently? Oh yes. Which is why I came on here for advice on how to handle it better in the future, why would I do that if I didnt care?
Sorry but IMO dealing with someones wife does not fall into my job description. That is the hobbyists job, not mine. If dealing with my customers wives were in my description, that would make their marriages my business, and their marriages are NONE OF MY BUSINESS(i think we can all agree on that right?) Considering that, I think Im going above and beyond by coming on here and asking for advice on how to handle it better in the future, many others wouldnt give a shit, I do.
-- Modified on 3/26/2018 10:32:52 PM
Besides i cant apologize to him because all i have is his telephone # and his wife has a hold of it. And yes i will get defensive when you accuse me of not caring about my clients anonymity and privacy, if i didnt care why would i be on here asking how to handle it better in the future.
I had to make a split second decision with her on the phone. The guy called me at 6am, no viable excuses for that. Besides i did not know how he would want to handle it with her, didnt want my story to conflict with his, so i told her to go talk to him. I didnt think she'd buy the "wrong #" excuse as she had the call log with my # on it, and simply hanging up on her would make me look like an ass, to both the wife and the client. That was my thought process at the time. I wouldve handled things differently with 20/20 hindsight but that is where my head was at while on the phone.
If i seem uptight now its because i am. Like ive said ive heard stories of scorned wives calling cops, stalking and vandalizing property. I feel very much on edge because you never know what a jealous wife will do.
After hearing the context of your conversation with the wife, the worst I can say is that you made a couple of "minor" mistakes. The best thing you can do in the future if/when this happens again is to never give any information to anyone who you don't know, right up to and including the time of day.
I don't have a particularly "sensitive" business, but after "hello" the first thing I ask whenever I answer a call if I don't know who I am talking to is "Who's calling?" Depending on that answer I will either answer or not answer any questions posed to me. Once again, here is my suggested way of dealing with this.
You, "hello"
Irate wife, "who is this?"
You, "and just who are you?"
Irate wife, "This is Mrs John Doe, my husband called you at 6AM and I want to know who you are!!!"
You, "I have no idea what you are talking about, I don't know you and I don't care to have this conversation, GOOD BYE"
By handling it in this manner you have given her nothing and she has no idea if you were a wrong number he dialed, a legitimate business owner rightfully put off by her demanding tone or just exactly who the fuck her husband called or meant to call. That is the best way to handle all calls.
Have you ever called a doctor's or lawyer's number and tried to get any information from the "gatekeeper"? If you have, you'll know that none of them are going to give you a damn thing until they know you are legitimate caller. That is the same kind of attitude you need to take when answering ALL your calls. It's not rude, it's just professional.
As for the guys claiming to be putting you on their DNS lists, fuck them, or rather "don't fuck them" I agree with your earlier statement that if you didn't care you wouldn't be asking and you especially wouldn't be asking under your "real" fake name.
DNS lists are necessary here. If you're seeing providers that consistently get 5's, you're going to have a bad time.
Also, gaga, I find it pretty interesting that you're saying "don't listen to the asshats" but then essentially repeat what everyone else on this thread is saying, which to put it in the modern vernacular is "you done fucked up".
You need to talk to your husband,.... his ass was done for. At the very least, she's thinking affair.
Not your problem.... he should have kept better track of it in the 1st place. I probably would have just said " I'm sorry, I don't know this number." Anything that would have left reasonable doubt. Also don't need a suspicious spouse with your contact info, and a scent to trail...
Like i said i panicked and was caught off guard. But like you said its not my fault he was careless with his phone. I couldnt think of a viable excuse for someone calling me at 6am
At 6am??? Omg I seldom sleep before 3. I might have said, umm, yes ok I’m ready to fuck his brains out tomorrow you want to join us LoL
Actually, if you had his number and name then knew who might be calling having heard a women’s voice, I would have hung up. Let him explain why you number and likely your name was in his phone. Then blocked the number or at least edited the name, do not answer LoL
You did the best you could being put on the spot. I'm not trying to crucify you....
My ex wife was one of those types, looking in my phone, my wallet, I never fooled around on her....so nothing to find. It was just an aggravation....one I thankfully no longer contend with.
to do the right thing. Sorry, it was in the moment but you blew it. Stop making excuses.
I am not making excuses, i am explaining how i felt at the time. Yes i couldve handled it better, which is why i am on here to know how to handle it better in the future. But still i feel this is a situation i shouldnt have had to deal with in the first place, wives are NOT. MY. JOB. That is my opinion and im entitled to it, just as you are yours.
I thank everyone who did offer me help, advice, and support, but i do hope this thread is a lesson to all to please secure your phone or delete the evidence in it. Whether you think im at fault or the hobbyist, regardless, SECURE YOUR PHONE.
"wives are NOT MY JOB." Sorry, but bullshit. Protecting the security of your clients IS your job. Please stop running away from that. We get it. You failed in the moment and have admitted that. But until you fully understand you are responsible for a lapse you should not have made, you are a danger.
She gave us an explanation of what happened, opened up an informative discussion on a very relevant topic. No excuses in the original post. And when people start coming at you, the arguments and counter points are going to lean towards defensive. That doesn’t make it an excuse.
She stated what happened, owned the fact that she could have handled it better, reminded guys to watch their phones, providers to be prepared for surprises. And maybe the big picture lesson here, which maybe had gotten under Jake’s skin a little bit, is that it’s a wake up call that you can’t take your situation for granted, and can’t go on blind trust that other’s will step up and cover for your own mistakes.
I’m grateful that Colleen posted this topic, and was honest about it. Giving her a TER Discussion Board Rating of 10. YMMV.
But that's NOT what this thread is mostly about. It's about Colleen's handling of the situation, and that's what I commented on. If the client posts here about what happened then I'll respond to that aspect.
...... the irate wife said to her first?
If she asked "What are you doing with my husband?"
A normal response would be to say to talk to her husband.
Damn you guys are quick to prosecute without the whole story.
Contempt prior to investigation!!!
What was asked first by the wife?
She asked what whats my number doing on her husbands phone at 6am
Nah Mick, don't blame her at all.
Like she said, it caught her off guard. It's easy for us to sit back with all the time in the world to contemplate a reply.
But she asked what would we have said, I was just giving her my thoughts.
Personally...I think the guy was a dumbass for leaving his phone where snoopy SO could find it. So, anything he gets is on his was. I'd be more concerned for Colleen....
Obviously, if she's snooping through his phone, trust issues already existed. Now Snoopy has a scent.... it's just a matter of how devoted she is to digging.
If caught off guard by the irate wife phone call:
"I can't talk now. I'm in the middle of a session. [Ooooh! You naughty boy! Arff!] Call back later."
.
OK, maybe not that line, but how about, "I'm sorry. I'm busy. Call back later." [call block]
LOL love the first line! Or "sorry m'am which one is your husband again?????"
Just kidding ofcourse
Or just, idonno, just hang up and say nothing. Plenty of time to think then.
It's 2018, we all have phones and we've all received calls from people we didn't know and told them that they've had the wrong number. Real simple stuff.
I live alone even I put a PW on my phone
Colleen
Given it happened at 6 AM and you were caught off guard you owe nothing. You would not have posted on the board if you were not if you were not concerned.
Which is why i said "talk to him" because i wanted him to handle it as he sees fit, he knows his wife i dont
Words that work in one situation may prove disaster in a different situation.
A lot of opinions have been posted here. Anyone want to post a list of useful phrases? A list of the Top 10 Things to say When a Monger's Wife Calls a Hooker's Business Phone?
HI - Are you the gal that John said would be calling about setting up a three-some?
What the hell, it would be interesting to hear the response.
Explanation why I was talking to his GF. I told him if he ever called me again I was reporting him to the FCC. The conversation just confirmed what she said about him that he was not the smartest pea in the pod. Just wondered where the fuck do they find these people. I never heard from him again and likewise never saw her again. Just too much drama.
Thats crazy. Sorry that happened
But more to reassure you....
Ive studied psychology and sociology pretty extensively, had alot of personal experiences via friends, family and acquaintances with marital discord.
Chances are your wife will stay with you if you get caught. Very very few are going to be willing to give up the financially convenient and socially expected/acceptable lifestyle of the marriage, two and a half kids, golden retriever and white pickett fence. Its very very hard to support yourself on one income these days, many wives wont want to become single mothers. Chances are even more in your favor if you come from a religious background (divorce carries a huge stigma in the church), or if shes a stay at home mom, its very hard to get back into the work force after being gone. Not to mention divorce is very messy and very $$.
Again this is not meant to downplay the very real fall out one experiences if caught, just want to reiterate that chances are in your favor that your wife will stay with you should the worse case scenario happen.
going to leave him for fooling around with a provider. If he's a good husband, at worst he might be in the doghouse for awhile. He should have been more careful with his phone. He fucked up, not you.
I think you handled it fairly well considering the call was spur of the moment and you were caught off guard. It probably would be best to say "you have the wrong number" or "I don't know what your talking about" and hang up in the future.
Hopefully dipshit hubby has enough common sense, that if he's nailed on it... just say it was a woman he snagged a number from and was just trying to hook up. Full disclosure to the wife could mean problems for Colleen.
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
I'm not trying to scare here.... but give a pissed off woman something they can use to get at the other woman, and she's likely to attack.
And it was nutty. But the guy already gave me weird vibes anyway, so we didn't go on the date.
When the wife called, she sounded a little nutty / some screws loose. I told her to call a therapist then blocked both their numbers.
In that case, that was a harassment issue, where he followed me out to my car and leaned into my window, and wouldn't get out until I gave him my phone number and confirmed that I got his text. I later did get a text from his wife, even though he said he was single. There are some odd balls out there, but in that case for her good, I wanted her to know that her husband was harassing women at bars in very intimidating ways, and I thought she should know that. And then I blocked her number. I had already blocked his.
For some reason it seems like people are more careful here, I had it happen in real life dating or just real life encounters, with people who stated they were single. I have not yet had it happen here. However, I did have one notify me that he gave his phone to his wife to see everything when he confessed after she caught him, and he let me know that she knows about me particularly and that she would not ever contact me.
After he told me this, I broke off all communication with him, and will not be communicating with him in the future for my safety, and also because now I don't know if I'll be talking to him or his wife. Fuck that.
On another note, I also do not have a phone number listed, partly for this reason. I also change my contact phone number on a regular basis so that only current clients have it. This helps a lot. When you get an email like that, you just let auto reply deal with it and don't touch it. My booking email sends auto replies from a different IP out of the country, and I do not reply to any email unless I know who I'm talking to.
Still, that is a precaution because it has happened in real life dating, or real life simple encounters. I do not date in real life anymore, and if I ever do, I will have a specific Google Voice number for that. I don't even give out my real phone number to RL guy friends anymore. Because that sucks.
I love email only for work, and I love throw away numbers for these reasons. People generally contact me via email if they want to book a second date anyway.
I didnt take any calls. I was asleep!
I thought this through and decided a few years back to go email only. I use a temporary burner number to coordinate but let everyone know that the only way to reach me is by email. I don't discuss ANYTHING via email except day and time of appointment, I get THEIR number which I check via screening to make sure its them and make a phone appointment to coordinate the DAY of the appointment. When a former client reaches out to me to see me again he either ALREADY knows how to find me OR I arrange another phone appointment and give him the address or GET the address from him directly. I am always aware of an email getting hacked so I make sure I'm actually communicating with my client. If Im unsure for any reason I ask them to tell me something about me that they remember. I have never had any drama. You just can't reach me by phone and I really like the extra added privacy. It seems to be working well so far.... just my two cents. If I was ever contacted in ANY Way by a clients wife I would follow Ga Gamblers advice to the letter. It is my priority and business is to make sure my clients feel that their privacy is protected. Wives and girlfriends are just bad for business. Oh yeah, my email is [email protected] 
Me, "No clue what you're talking about! I don't accept prank calls. Don't ever scam me again. Goodbye."
Privacy is of utmost importance. I will protect the privacy of my customer any day, in whatever ways necessary.
And guys: Be responsible. It's important these days to keep contacts of your fave providers, just in case these sites go "under maintenance" like Nightshift, but do so under lock and key... and swallow that key! Love y'all. Now, come surrender your sweet selves to our Four Hands. We are super discrete, and yum.
(I agree with GaGambler)
I don't know you & I don't recognize this number. Then hang up & block it.
That's why I use a hobby phone & clear calls before I leave her. (Ask Tiger why!)
-- Modified on 3/29/2018 9:17:35 PM
Just lie about it because if you’re dumb enough to get caught like that then you’re probably get caught again you’re an asshole . Should always have two phones that doesn’t set off her mind to thinking the nothing well liars and cheaters always have second phones with no GPS if they can help it. Then leave your phone at home and go meet your provider if it’s a GPS phone that’s what my ex did it work good.
Ehh, this is super tricky! Honestly, any response may or may not work if the wife does her due diligence. And if she suspects her husband of cheating, she likely will. I would say the best thing you can do is to not acknowledge the woman in any way, and just hang up the phone. I would allow 24-48 hours to pass and send an email, if he has not sent one by then.
GUYS: Lets not put any one in an awkward situation! Some things a client of mine does are save my number under a male name, he also instructed me to never text him unless absolutely necessary and keep it vanilla. There is also never any real reason to keep your text messages/call history with the provider of your choice when you are a married man, it is easy to forget to delete things.