and I never get jealous about them having sex with clients, but I do remember getting this twinge of jealously about this old man who always shared a bottle of Champagne with my Girfriend during his weekly appointment with her, (sometimes two)
OTOH you would be amazed how many guys bring wine to sessions that the girls wait to drink with their boyfriends. and to those guys I would like to offer a heartfelt "THANK YOU" lol but PLEASE don't bring the cheap stuff, you don't want us laughing at you when we use your "heartfelt gift" to deglaze a pan. lol
I'm a lowkey oenophile. Men know it when they book. Lots of my lunch and evening dates always bring a bottle of wine. Now with everyone working from home, day drinking is a big thing and guys are bringing wine earlier in the day than they ever did before. Like 9am early. They bring the wine and expect me to drink up along with them.
I'm polite, I have a few sips, but I know they see I'm not really drinking and a few have said something about it. I feel bad when they went to the trouble of getting it but I don't really want it. Not that early. I don't want people disappointed they wasted their money but I don't know how to tell them it's too early in the day for me to drink without sounding like I'm judging THEM for doing it. Should I just suck it up and drink anyway?
But also tell them you don't mind if they drink, in a pre-date text or email, if thats the way you really feel. Several ladies have turned down my offering to bring alcohol to a date and its never a concern for me. I don't need to drink. I just offer it up to be social and not show up empty handed.
And they don't. They just show up with it. So what then?
I'm not gonna tell every guy that books a morning appt to please not bring alcohol. Most of them weren't going to anyway and it'll sound fishy to some of them. Like why is she even telling me this? Is she a recovering alcoholic? kind of fishy.
-- Modified on 2/11/2021 2:40:15 PM
Just mention it in your last, pre-date, communication. Then if they still bring something, you can point to the email you sent finalizing the details for your date that you sent X number of days ago. You avoid the issue by dealing with it before it becomes a problem.
Agreed. Or maybe even put it on your profile that you love wine, but not in the mornings.
I don't think you have to do anything that you don't like. I also don't like morning and sometimes even day drinking. But then when I drink I binge so I try to not drink at all now, lol. Anyway, I think your rep as a wine connoisseur makes them bring wine, make sure that along with that rep comes a warning for you not drinking in the morning or daytime.
says feel free to bring a bottle of vino for our lunch or evening engagement.
.
I guess that's not clear enough.
In your final email before the date just say something like: "While I love wine, I don't partake before noon but feel free to imbibe if you are so inclined." No one will think you have a drinking problem if worded that way. That's not telling anyone what they should bring or not bring either. Gents will be fine with that rationale as that is the standard in American society.
It's not something I look for to see if she's a drinker or not. Is one of the main reasons clients see you is because you like to throw one down every now and then??? I'm just speaking for me, if I'm hosting I'll ask what she likes to drink, if she says she doesn't drink, cool, no biggie. If it's outcall, I will ask f it's ok to bring something....But I will always ask when it comes to wine, champagne or beer...yes there's a few who actually will drink beer out of the bottle,after they chew off the cap...it's cool to see.
The beer was for himself and it was a nice craft brew, he told me all about it and I even took a sip, but he also brought wine for me. He doesn't drink wine and says he knows nothing about it but he thought it looked like a really nice bottle of wine. And it was a pretty bottle with an artsy label but it's $15-20 at any corner liquor store so I was thinking, oh bless his heart. But it was sweet of him to pick out something just for me even if it's only because he doesn't want to drink alone. It's the thought that counts.
And hey, it's an important step up from Boone's Farm, which isn't wine anyway. I think it's a malt beverage made from the tears of those who peaked in high school.
are a bit rigid on what time is morning. If you get up for the day at 2:00am, then 9:00 is NEARLY happy hour. Problem solved. Lol
That you just did a bump and having a drink would bring down your high...
Just sayin’ that you have options.
Snake 🐍
I won't try to claim that I NEVER drink at 9 AM, but even I don't bring wine for a breakfast session. I "might" bring a bottle of Champagne for mimosas, but I digress. lol
Here is a very simple solution for getting your point across without sounding like a prude. Just add an extra line to your already stated policy.
"Gentlemen please feel free to bring a bottle of vino for our lunch or evening engagement, but PLEASE don't bring vino for any morning sessions or I will end up to tipsy to take care of my business during the day, thanks for understanding. lol"
I am one of TER's best known drunks and even I would get the hint. lol
I often bring a wine to an appointment .
When presenting is with “ If you would like to share please open. If not at this time take it as a gift.”
Have no idea what provider’s situation/ schedule is and she should feel no obligation to partake. May have another appointment in a short time or drive to pickup children. Not for me to know.
For early morning May ask ahead of time if mimosas are appropriate for the occasion and then react accordingly.
Don’t feel bad about them wasting their money. For those who feel like it’s worth a comment, simply reply that’s it’s a little early for you.
I have read all the responses so far. I think mentioning it in your ad makes sense.
If it's already written in your ad with the same concise and straightforward way you wrote in your original post here, I believe it would be beneficial to you and to all clients.
Not everyone has the same perspective about alcohol, so even though you're a lowkey oenophile, some clients might misinterpret your appreciation for wines as an open invitation to drink with you regardless of time day. Moreover, many people who drink have the mindset that it's wrong to drink alone when others are present. Lastly, and you would probably know this better than I do, I surmise that many clients may have the mindset that sex and alcohol are automatically intertwined.
I don't think that either writing it or saying it should make you feel awkward, because as a client, I expect a session to be just as comfortable for you as you may be interested in making it comfortable for me. If I know ahead of time a little nuance that eases or smoothes out a problem, I'm willing to be reasonable about it. (I know some men here may crucify me for that outlook, especially those who consider that paying for a session gives them ALL or MOST of the day.)
A simple explanation ahead of time can create that comfort, maybe something like this:
I'm a lowkey oenophile. With everyone working from home, day drinking is a big thing and some clients bring wine earlier in the day than ever before, such as 9am, and expect me to drink with them.
I do not drink that early in the day, not at all, not ever. I don't mind if you want to drink, I am not judging you for doing it, I just will not be joining you. Please enjoy.
And say that you will put it away until their next afternoon or evening visit.
At the conclusion of the date, offer the bottle back as a polite gesture.
Don't pretend to enjoy a morning glass, unless it's a mimosa.
First, you've already been polite about things so if someone is going to get upset with you about that (especially if it's 9 AM) they are probably someone you can do without. That's just being rude on their part.
However, you might head this off a bit when the bottle comes out by just mentioning that you will only interested in a very small amount as you have things to get done during your day and starting off with any amount of alcohol is likely to complicate your day.
I think this just needs a little adjustment of your ad info.
Instead of inviting clients to bring wine for consumption, try inviting them to bring you a bottle of wine as a gift. Then you can add that you might be happy to sip a glass or two with them if the time/mood is good. This gives you room to pivot as you like between accepting a nice gift (that $15 bottle of La Crema Chard) for later, or pulling the cork (on that $375 1998 Opus One) and imbibing right away, after decanting, of course.
Then do what you already do and answer any pre-meet questions as you see fit.
Life is good
The Cat
-Edited for typos-
-- Modified on 2/11/2021 5:48:59 PM
Oh, right, drinking. DUH
In the meantime, here's some scientific facts that you should consider.
A LOT of complicated social pressures going on in this scenario. The core of which is you're providing 'companionship' and intimacy through sex. He wants more than that, he wants to be appreciated. The alcohol and drinking is an intense and complicated social interaction; power, social norms, men and women interactions, food/alcohol and its associations (guilt, pleasure, brain endorphins, etc.) Client may also need liquor to calm nerves.
It could be the guy likes drinking and wants a 'drinking buddy' or its a gift scenario (at a basic primal level, I went hunting and I shot a deer for you, you should be pleased). I'm sure there may be other reasons, but let's run with those two scenarios. You're an actress providing a fantasy. So, you're trying not to burst that bubble. You want your client to have a good time. So, what do you do.
Potential solutions, thoughts, or at least some actionable techniques to overcome and maybe even use the situation to your advantage and provide a better session
Scenario 1: Gift (guy could drink with you, but its more a gift for you). In this case, he wants appreciation for being thoughtful. I would treat it like an American doing business with a Japanese client. Take the bottle of wine, and look at it very closely like a business card. He spent time hunting down this bottle of wine - for you. Be impressed and appreciative, you're an actress. Say, "oooh, a California Cabernet" or "Oregon Pinot Noir", Nice! "Spend time looking at it again and reading the label". Walk over/Lean in and say "Thank you, this IS very thoughtful". "I'll keep this in a special place so I can enjoy it later" Make him proud of his 'accomplishment', making you happy is what he wants, "I'm a good boy". Proceed to put it on the TOP shelf in your closet. Once you put it the closet, once again, say thank you and lean in and give him a lingering kiss on the cheek. Then grab his hand and say, let's get comfortable and have some fun" Try it out and see what happens, I'm sure all will be good.
Second Scenario Guy wants to drink: This is a tougher situation if you have a guy who insists on drinking. Grabs the bottle from you in the above scenario and proceeds to open it and pour. In this case, you need to assure him that you will keep him company while he drinks - remember powerful social forces at work. Again, same social context, its a 'bonding' moment and he wants the social interaction beyond just the sex. He has an association with intimacy or partnership by drinking. Drinking is a very social activity. So, how do you address it without hurting his feelings. It is eating and drinking that is social. In this case, if he pours you a drink, even though you're protesting. Have a bar of chocolate or grapes, something that is small portions and low calories (relatively speaking) handy. Get up, bring it to the table AFTER he pours. Take a piece, offer him that piece (If he declines, even better - he has now refused your gift), and then sit and "socialize" while you're both eating and drinking. Again, you're an actress. When you take a tiny bite of your chocolate, and after sip of wine, go, "Oooh, that is so good". But when you stop drinking, and he is disappointed, say, "Oh, I'd love to have more, but I need to watch my figure. If I get fat, you won't like me! and smile or laugh - turn the tables on him. Add in, "I like talking with you and I like being with you" and then smile at him and wink. Now, move over and sit next next to him - remember you 'like' him and want to be closer; move the chair over, is next to him on the couch, or on his lap if those other things don't work ergonomically. Another technique is play Geisha and feed him the grape, or pick up the glass of wine and hold the glass for him and let him drink from it. Then kiss him after that and keep kissing and say, let's move to the bed for some fun. If he needs the liquid courage, encourage him to finish it up quickly while you walk over to the bed and wait for him. I guarantee he'll down his drink
Just some things to try, let us know how it goes. You're basically trying to get through an awkward complicated social situation. Its like turning down your mom's home cooked meal that she worked so hard on for you to show her your love, Social pressures, blah.
and I never get jealous about them having sex with clients, but I do remember getting this twinge of jealously about this old man who always shared a bottle of Champagne with my Girfriend during his weekly appointment with her, (sometimes two)
OTOH you would be amazed how many guys bring wine to sessions that the girls wait to drink with their boyfriends. and to those guys I would like to offer a heartfelt "THANK YOU" lol but PLEASE don't bring the cheap stuff, you don't want us laughing at you when we use your "heartfelt gift" to deglaze a pan. lol
Don't bow or bend a rule for these guys or anyone for that matter. It's not a big deal if you don't make it. I don't drink and always let them know what my drink preferences are and tell them I won't be joining in spirits. I don't really think drinking or getting drunk goes well together in this business, I like to keep my wits about me. A good client that you want to see again will understand, I think the only time it's ok to drink at 9 am is a birthday or vacation lol.
Don't drink unless you really want to, if you don't just be honest and keep it real. 💯