Subject:  Request for Raise
To: Management

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do all the physical work.
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends off or public holidays.
I work in a damp environment.
I don't get paid overtime.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


Dear Mr. Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 straight hours.
You fall asleep on the job after brief periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas.
You do not take initative.
You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing protective clothing.
You'll retire well before reaching 65.
You're unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management