YOU:                
           
If I know you (and since you’re here maybe I already do, a little), then you’ve ended up in this little corner of the internet because you’re looking for something (or more accurately someone) to add a little je ne sais quoi, a zest, a spice to your day/evening. Well let me be the first to say: congrats! You’ve found her. Smart man - I knew I liked you.
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ME:
I'm Serena, British establishment refugee, global expat with serious flair, your pocket-sized fun concierge, and rebel with a cause. The cause, you ask? Never working in a windowless office again.  
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A late bloomer, I was forced in my deeply awkward teenage years to develop both an amazing sense of humour and a scintillating personality in lieu of being a hot girl. Aged approx 25, I then suddenly became a hot girl, and am now at 30 the total package: brains, beauty, personality, charm, and wit.
 
A man I met on the beach in St Tropez once said I had “a body that could stop traffic”. With a petite frame at 5’4, firm natural curves, perky 34F breasts and a bottom you could bounce a quarter off (as you say in this delightful country), I am augmentation-free, filler-free, Botox-free, and guaranteed 100% free-range.
 
A San Francisco Uber driver said, looking at me in the rear-view mirror as he drove me across the Bay Bridge, that I had "one of those pin-up girl faces". I have large blue-green eyes, long ash-blonde hair, and high cheekbones that had a group of Russian babushkas in Beijing once asking me in Russian if I was also Russian (not even one iota but I was flattered). My sweet and friendly expression/general nice-person countenance, which belies my extremely sharp and filthy mind, incites strangers to talk to me on planes and come up and ask me for directions. I do hate that I have to blur my face for discretion because it’s personally my favourite feature.  
In possession of a razor-sharp wit and a wicked sense of humour, I can be very silly with the right companion, and adore making others laugh. If you are a wielder of puns and jokes that make people groan, we will get along famously. Wit, charisma, and compassion go much, much further with me than good looks, by the way. Great conversation over an intimate dinner for two is one of my biggest turn-ons; you'll have to find out the rest.                  
                 
Something you should know: I am a really bad actress and a worse liar. I have no constructed persona; there is no script for our rendezvous. You'll find me exactly as I am: warm; affectionate; intelligent; empathetic; real.                  
                 
So take my hand. Let's explore.                  
                 
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IN BRIEF          
         
Age: 30, but with a face that's still in grad school          
Height: 5’3, or 160cm.            
Measurements: 34DD-28-38        
Hair: Long light blonde      
Eyes: Big and blue-green; long thick dark lashes.          
In Three Words: Passion. Honesty. Connection.          
         
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BESPOKE: SUBMISSION AND KINK          
         
Have you ever wanted to take a proper young lady and teach her a lesson by administering a hard, fair spanking to her pretty round bottom? How about disciplining an insouciant Catholic private schoolgirl whose homework is late again? Ever imagined calling your lovely, shy secretary into your office, closing the door, bending her over your desk, and... ?            
             
You've probably realised that it's power and control rather than pain that gets me going. In short: I go weak-kneed and panting for some crisp commands followed by a hard spanking over a knee (or desk). It's all about setting the scene, the buildup, the psychological mindplay.            
           
If you choose to explore my submissive side, you'll find I am a very good girl who takes direction intuitively, obeys commands immediately, and responds well to strict but fair discipline. Enquire within.            
           
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SOCIAL MEDIA AND CANDIDS:                  
                 
For a further peek into how I tick and some candid photos, please follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/LoveSerenaLang.                  
                 
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ABOUT OUR DATE:                  
                 
Please contact my assistant either by email at [email protected], or through my secure booking form at serenalang.com/contact. Please understand that I cannot usually entertain last-minute requests.  
Looking forward to meeting you!